Also remember this and this is very very important, if you can't be with the one you love, then tie up the one your with.
Master Dark

12/28/03 1:53 PM

I know I haven't written in a while, end of year stuff, holidays you know how it goes.  

Ok so what's new, well many developments in my life this past month, some good some bad some the same, I was looking at my journal from last year to see what my New years resolutions were and I fucking erased it, why I don't know but its gone, I do remember some of them, I am a few steps closer to achieving some of my goals, I know I did do some of them.

Extreme Disorder is now official registered with the govt, I did not complete the book I wanted to finish but worked on it, I started a new project, our Snuff film, that has been put on hold only because my partner and I have been busy doing other things, I haven't gotten the govt off my back yet but think I am close to a deal with them, I can only hope, I have ventured into some projects that at the start of last year did not anticipate but they are all good.

This year has seen some old friends go, some of the reasons I am aware of and course I had something to do with it, some of the reasons I am unaware of and sad that I have lost contact with them, what can you do this is life that is all I can say,  this past year has also seen a old friend come back, its good to have the Wild Thing in my life again.  My complicated life has caught up with me a bit in recent times, I am sorry for that and the people it has affected, yes the Dark one shows a bit of remorse.  This past year has seen some new friends come, the possibilities are endless now and I can only hope to keep it going.

I know I have slightly neglected the site here and I apologize for that, this is my baby where the sickness lives and dwells, there were some changes I wanted to make and only got around to a couple of them, no excuses and I am still going to change it, revamp the style a bit, as the content grows its hard to keep it focused but I am working on it, I will have some time next Friday and if I am in the mood I will sit here for a few hours and start to make some of the changes let me see and if I don't well you know fuck you is all I can say.

Well that is about my year end wrap up as for now to the end of the short year now I may be busy, having my usual thing on the eve so much to do before I sleep.

12/14/03 11:31PM

Lovely weather on the North East, snow storm turns to rain, gotta love it I mean a shitty day.  They captured Saddam.  

You know something 

12/09/03 8:58AM

The depressed, disillusioned, fucked up, misfits, suicidal, angry, tired of perky little bitches, want to slit peoples throats, the perverted, twisted, mental, schizoids, are you on fucking Prozac, do you need to be on Prozac, transgendered, transsexual, homosexual, heterosexual with deep dark  twisted fantasies, murderers, want to be murderers, anti social, geeks, sluts, no fucking prudes though, animal fuckers, lurkers, stalkers, the damned, devils children, gods fallen angles, hate your fucking life, lost miserable souls, you are welcome here.

The Rev

12/01/03 10:51 PM

OK back to work after a 4 day weekend, which I needed, I could have gotten more sleep but that's ok ,don't want to sleep the whole weekend away.  Its funny when you look back and say this is where I was this time last year, this time last year I was on a long vacation, I was still in Romania this time last year, very lovely mountain resort but there wasn't much snow when I was there.  Now I'm here planning a trip to Germany soon and maybe a excursion into Prague as I will not be that far from there and I love that fucking city.

So since Thursday some new developments, picked up a new camera, Sony digital cam corder, actually me and my partner both picked one up, the film has taken a giant leap this weekend, got another person on board, the Wild Thing, pictures of him in the group. Did allot of good shooting yesterday and learning more and more about what we have to do.

Also finally got another scanner, I need to stay the fuck out of best buy, got a bunch of shit but the most important acquisitions were the camera and scanner, got some shots I need to scan, I already put a couple up in the group.

Some dark business also over the weekend, very good. hahahahahahaha, ok let me get some work done.

11/27/03 8:35 PM

Turkey day here in the states, hope you didn't eat to much.

OK the project is back underway and of course the plot changes, hahahahaha, cant wait till you guys see this.

I tell you I am possibly the most complicated person I know, I mean I know I am the sickest fucker that I know and of course the most complicated.

Other than that boring fucking day

11/24/03 8:33 AM

Monday morning, you know how I love these, well today isn't so bad, short week for me and all.

Ok its official I am now a reverend, yes that's motherfucking right and we will start our own church, the church of the Extreme Disorder, can you see it, the possibilities, a place for us the misfits, the fucked up, the perverts, the downtrodden, the so called misguides, a church of libertarian hedonistic ideas of life, fuck yeah.

Ok other than that did a little work on the film yesterday, were going to get arrested for this I have realized it , the project isn't moving as quick as anyone would like but that's ok it will get done.

11/21/03 8:33 AM

Well it stopped raining, to bad right, ok I have some things to say here, first off the Project is once again on hold.

You know there are many things that irk me, I mean I am a irkable kind of guy, I don't even know if irkable is a word but fuck it, ok but there are some things that are just down right fucked up.

For example in recent days something has transpired in one of my relationships, I first felt extremely judged by this person, now get this right, if your a goat fucker and you want to tell someone, I am the guy because I really don't care if you fuck the goat or not , anyway I felt judged by this person, now let me add something here, trust me on this one, this person is the last person who should be judging anything, see that's what I love about the moral hypocrites of this great country, anyway.

Now get this, so for whatever reason this person thought I was being dishonest with them because I didn't reveal every little detail of my life to them you know what I have to say about that right, but here's the better thing, was this person completely honest with me, nope, but that doesn't matter right, well to me it doesn't matter if you tell me the truth or now it really doesn't matter if you tell me the truth or now cause I really don't give a fuck, but what matters is take a look at yourself.

11/20/03 9:13 AM

Well its still raining here, you know how I love the rain, misty cloudy dark days.

The thoughts and feelings do seem to be getting worse at times, like I ask myself what is better to be numb, miserable unknowing or to have these thoughts, to feel like at times there is no way out,  a Korn song comes to mind

Dead bodies everywhere

Come on, step inside, and you will realize.
Tell me what you need, tell me what to be.
What's your vision? You'll see, what do you expect of me?
I can't lose it... lie.

Hate!
I sing my words, I've thought that dealing,
with your life's dead bodies everywhere.

You!
Really want me to be a good son. Why?
You make me feel like no one.

Let me strip the plain, let me not give in.
Free me of your life, inside my heart dies.
Never had the chief, don't lay that shit on me.
Let me live my... life.

Hate!
I sing my words, I've thought that dealing,
with your life's dead bodies everywhere.

You!
Really want me to be a good son. Why?
You make me feel like no one.

You want me to be, something I can never ever be!

I sing my words, I thought that didn't,
with your life's dead bodies everywhere.

You!
Really want me to be a good son. Why?
You make me feel like no one.

Dead bodies everywhere!

There it is

11/18/03 8:59 AM

Been a few days I see, lets see its Monday morning so I am pissed off, on one note I slept so fucking late yesterday that my whole shit is still off schedule.

Ok, some very interesting events in my life the past few days, you know there are a few different things irking me at the moment, so where should I start .

OK one thing I dislike is the sneaky manipulation some people have, the mere fact that they think I am unaware of the deception laid before me, makes me laugh.  Understand this about me, I will let you think I am unaware of the acts of treason you are committing against me, then when you think you have me right where you want me, you will find that you yourself have fallen in a deep set trap now with no escape in site and completely helpless and forced now to play the game through to the end no matter the cost, so if you are one of these in my life beware.

This comes to mind, in here this is my world, my rules, those that have entered the deep inner sanctum of  my life know this to be true, my inner world is full of Domination, power and control, this is not said as a warning but as real fact, tread carefully into areas you are not sure of and the line from 8MM "when you dance with the devil you don't change the devil the devil changes you" is what is.

What else is affecting me on this lovely dreary Monday morning, well I can you that the pain deep inside me is tremendous today,  decisions I have made, decisions I have to make, not fun but should I choose to sit and wallow and continue to kill myself with the agony of my life or should I acknowledge a mistake and move along, I think moving along is the answer.

Korn lyrics

All I want in life is to be happy

11/13/03 9:01 AM

I'm here were I always am, much confusion has set into my soul again, I bring it on myself, decisions decisions.

Don't you kind of lets say dislike people that use the terms like, "cause I tell it like it is" see first thing is what it is maybe not be what it is for example,

Nothing would be what it is
Because everything would be what it isn't

And contrary-wise-what it is, it wouldn't be
And what it wouldn't be it would
You See?

Ok so with that said, one of my favorite quotes of all time see how you say, I tell it like it is could be how it is for you and maybe not for me.

Or another one, "I am only telling you the truth"  Ok what truth are we talking about, your truth or my truth, see my truth can be different from your truth and my truth, well  we all know my truth is out there, I mean I think the Govt puts micro chips in people and that the Matrix is real so you see my truth may not be yours.

I guess the whole point here today is this, I have enough trouble deciphering through the bullshit as it is and certainly do not need someone else's agenda to fog a already foggy situation.

I hate the crossroads, never know if I am taking the right direction or not, it may be time to disapear.

11/12/03 9:55 AM

Its raining here, nice dark winter raining day

11/11/03 9:39 AM

What the fuck are we doing here, yes I am in that mood again some of you know it all to well.

Anyway its just a mood so fucking what, I want to get lost in a moment, forget who I am, I want to be sitting in Prague sipping a coffee, maybe walking the streets in Amsterdam,  overlooking the Danube in Budapest, any fucking place but where I am sitting right now, if I could be you for just a moment would I change places.  Enough depressing shit already.

People come and go in your life, they are the C&Gers, it seems everyone in my life has become a C&G, what is the fucking purpose of it all, am I destined to be this way forever, I think so.

11/10/03 7:10 PM

For a moment I felt like me today, just for a moment, I happen to still be in that moment so maybe that it is good, I feel I have morphed into something that I didn't want to be, be careful of yourself because you can think one thing will be this way and then it is something else, you never know when that thing changes but all of a sudden you know it did, and then maybe who you are is dead, can he be revived?  only the shadow knows

11/10/03 9:50 PM

Well I did go and see the Matrix, I will not say anything about it let you decide, I just must reiterate that Trinity is one bad bitch.

My computer has been hacked, which I am very fucking upset about, trying to clean it up now, getting redirected to a porn site when I click on any hyperlink outside of IE

11/08/03 11:23 PM

I once again find myself feeling like a prisoner, I hate this feeling it always brings the suicidal thoughts, always stick with your original plans, do not deviate you will always regret it, what to do, what to do, I haven't gone to see the Matrix yet that's the kind of funky mood I am in.

11/08/03 2:59 AM

What the fuck, was updating some pages and had much to say and then of course I am now growing tired, Ok I got the Mag I was telling you about, get it Defunkt Magazine $3.99, ok with that out of the way.

I am on a letter writing campaign as of late, and it is of course to do with a Minister, have any of you seen the news lately with these 4 jersey boys that were starved, one of them 19 years old weighing 43 pounds standing 4 feet tall, the fucking minister is defending the parents, I wonder if the minister was but fucking the children, doesn't matter does it really but once again the men of cloth do what they do best, abuse the innocent, but I'm the evil one right?

Oh hey before I forget, I was checking my stats tonight, once in a while I do, I pay for a decent multiple page counter, really cheap if your interested let me know, anyway it seems as though we have some visitors from some Arab countries, well we always have that's not the point but rather they are translating the pages, if you go here

http://tarjim.ajeeb.com/ and then click on the English translation and out in this for example http://www.extremedisorder.com/bondage/ready.html you'll see what you get, its hilarious. 

Ok onto matters of the soul, strange events these past few days, don't know which way to turn, let us not forget I am the sickest mother fucker that I know.

11/03/03 9:11 AM

Don't know in some fucking mood today, its Monday, was late for work and not my fault, I hate when other factors make me late,.

Feel old feelings creeping up over my spine again, as much as I welcome them it is as much as I loathe them for I know the confusion that will enter my life .

10/31/03 12:24 PM

Happy Halloween to everyone.

I am reading this book called Devils Knot, it is about these three teenagers who were railroaded in Arkansas for the murder of three small children, you may have seen the HBO specials regarding them, you can find out more here and lend your support to the WM3, a note of advice, if your ever picked up by the police get a lawyer, do not allow yourself to be questioned without one.

Anyway by the book, write letters and visit the site .  

10/30/03 8:23 AM

Day before Halloween, no I am not getting dressed up, I was going to and have a big to do but things change, the one constant thing in life is that things change.

All things inside my head are coming together, direction is before me and that is a good thing.

Did I mention my scanner broke and I need to get a new one, also one of my zoom lenses just went dark all of a sudden, I am hoping to get that fixed Saturday and maybe another scanner who knows

10/28/03 10:45 PM

Well its been a bit, some of you have wondered why I wasn't writing as much or as often as before, I go in spurts and second is it any of your fucking business?  I have to be me don't I?

Ok so what's new, well I think I will the gov off my back in a matter of weeks, I can not tell you how fucking happy I am about that.  My dear pet we are moving forward on some projects and  I have not at all forgotten about you.

What else, I want to promote and new internet friend here and his endeavors Defunkt Magazine $3.99 for a issue and go and buy one from his site.

Ok so what else is new in my life, well the little midget is still pulling my strings and why shouldn't he I am a great source of amusement for him.

There was something else and now it escapes my mind, I guess it really wasn't that important

10/14/03 10:47 AM

I meant to say the other day I say a article on on the internet, it seems the vatican and Secretary of State Cardinal Angelo Sodano think that the sex scandal in the USA was over rated and that not every priest is a child fucker, well I may give them the piece that not every priest is a child fucker but if you wanted to fuck little boys what other profession would you choose, parents hand deliver the victims to these sick fucks and as odd as it is one of the most outspoken victims a one Thomas Kelly of NJ killed himself this past weekend by stepping in front of a train, but the sex scandal in the USA was overstated, I will now be embarking on a letter campaign to the vatican.

The great vatican has also in the past week said that condoms do not prevent HIV, that the virus can seep through tiny holes in the condoms, they are telling this to countries where young people are getting the virus every 14 seconds, EVERY 14 FUCKING SECONDS, the vaticans blatant disregard to the problems of the world today show once again why there should be separatism from church and state but still all these religious fuckers think what is best for you and I.

Write them child molesting fucks in Rome and give them a piece of your mind.

10/11/03 11:09 AM

Windy morning.

I received 3 emails this week  for child porn, you all know how I feel about that so of course the sites got reported, I am not always sure that it isn't the govt sending out these emails to see who bites.

I am also receiving some emails from this guy at hot mail who I think is trying to hack me so its on.

10/09/03 1:41 AM

Another sleepless night, did I tell you I am a insomniac so I up playing video games, 3rd night in a row no sleep now, they say no sleep will not kill you, I think people that say that are people that can sleep.

10/06/03 11:23 PM

Fucking Tuesday, in a sort of mood today, need some time alone I think, at times I feel everyone in my life only wants something and yeah it gets on my fucking nerves, physic vampires and such, and what  makes the fucking thing even more annoying is I don't think they fucking realize this.

I can not be everything to everyone but no one fucking realizes this, no one realizes the complexity of which my soul is made up of and things I must do to feed it, anyway needed a bit of a distraction from work.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT LOOK  LIKE IM DOING ASSHOLE.

09/30/03 2:42 PM

I was watching Bill Mahr last night, he had on Michael Moore, Charles Barkley and Aaron McGruder, now as stated before I was never a fan Bill in the past, never really watched the show and I don't know a few weeks back caught it by accident and was genuinely entertained from him, I mean he's a asshole and well I can identify with being a asshole, be that as it may first guest Michael Moore.

Now I can dig the fact that is a "rebel", against big business, government, I mean fuck I do not trust the government, I think there is to much government, I think the stick their noses where they don't belong and I think they are all full of shit and only care about themselves.  I also subscribe to the many conspiracy theories about them.

OK I'm off subject, like I was saying I dig Michael Moore and dig his right to free speech and for that matter anyone's right to free speech but where the fuck does Michael Moore get off thinking that he knows what's best for you and me or anyone for that matter but himself, I honestly could give a fuck about big business, we all know big business is not looking out for us and hypocrite he is, you know not him people like him in general, everyone so concerned with everyone else and what they are doing, yes I know we all have a civil responsibility but do we, see W thinks he is doing his civil responsibility in Iraq but those that don't agree with his sense of civil responsibility protest him, which is there right but the point being is that everyone is right and everyone is wrong it all depends what side of the fence you sit on, I on the other hand am for civil disobedience as far as saying just leave me the fuck alone, let me think what I want, support what I want and why don't you all mind your business.

09/30/03 9:05 AM

OK certainly back in the groove of things now and of course want another vacation.

Still waiting for the start of the pictures to come back, I think I sent 12 rolls out for development, my fucking scanner is dead so I am looking around, almost got one on Sunday but was a bit indecisive, was looking at some cameras also, maybe be going digital soon, video though not still I don't know.

Let me get back to work

09/23/03 8:31 AM

Well feeling allot more rested today, I feel asleep about 10:30 last night, now I can not remember the last time I went to sleep that early.

Traveled allot on the train at night, something very cool about traveling on old trains at night, like something from an Agatha Christi novel or some shit, like evil kind of romantic in a sense, very dark if you know what I mean, of course my imagination runs wild while on the train and its not the same as the real thing but that's what fantasy is all about isn't it?

It's always amazing to me in a sense the take of American life when I am out of the country, now all my fellow New Yorkers can attests to this, our city is fucking filthy, garbage everywhere, overflowing thrash cans, that is when you can find a thrash can, gutters lined with papers and bottles, now lets not mention the homeless ok, the stench of the city on a hot day, now don't get me wrong, this is my fucking city, the greatest in the fucking world but we all know it has some short comings and filth is one of them, anyway the point being I was in a big city over there and it was clean, I mean clean and they don't think its clean and don't believe me when I tell them its clean, I think I am going to take some shots of the dirty streets here.

Yeah I'm fucking goofing off at work so what.

09/22/03 6:05 PM

I am still exhausted trying to catch up with being back  here, ok some of the trip details, I was in a very old med evil town for a couple of days, the birth place of Vlad the Impaler, if you don't know who that is than what  what kind of dark person are you, the streets were fantastic, like I was expecting a Jack the Ripper kind of fellow to jump out at me any minute during the night, after a couple of days town got boring as there wasn't much to see really but none the less it was great.

09/21/03 2:08 PM

I'm back, exhausted and will try to chronicle some of my trip, good to be home and have to now sort out the mess my beasts made while I was away so more is coming, just wanted to say what's up, I'm back and I missed you crazy fuckers.

And big hello to my new dark friends at the Silencio, cant wait to see you in Germany 2004

09/03/03 11:12 AM

Leaving today and can't wait to  get the fuck out of here, why I am at work I haven't a fucking clue.

I hope to get a lot writing done while away, leaving my computer so back to pen and paper, which I seem to get  more done with anyway, not sure where my travels will take me exactly except for a few days and there, other than that I  could end up anywhere in the darks of old Europe, if I had time I would head to my favorite city, Prague, but not this trip.

I might have some old castles lined up not sure yet, either way Ill be back in 2 weeks so keep it Extreme.

Fucking scanner is broke, been meaning to say that so no new pics have been scanned will get one when I get back.

Still looking for a victim for the flick, any volunteers?

08/31/03 1:04 AM

Last minute details as I prepare to leave, sorry you will not a slut of the day but I am searching for one that will keep you while I am gone.

In the city today, collage kids going to back  school, all the innocents walking around, always makes me want to puke, no not puke but rather the thoughts that go through my head are if they only knew that monsters walked among them, or well what does it matter.

Flying my favorite airline so I am happy.

Much creative thoughts flowing through my brain, its good and I need to stay focused.

Some fucking character complained about a quote in my yahoo profile, said he was from the Defense Ministry or some shit from Kigali which is in Rwanda, I think  he was putting me on but his agency he said was the MDI of Kigali, well I thought about it and now I have my own agency it is the

SMFDC from Hell which stands for,

Suck My Fucking Dick Club, and if your listening hope you got the hint, I mean can you imagine someone found something offensive on the Internet? Wow, mother fucker the internet was made for offensive.  Well if he keeps it up Ill give out his ID and we can all harass him.

08/29/03 9:05 AM

Friday, I so enjoy the parasites that think I am naive and ignorant, it is so pleasing to me to watch them in trying to fuck me over, them thinking I am so fucking stupid, in the end who is bending over, hahahahahahaha.

08/28/03 8:40 AM

I have been neglecting this area here, work has been killing me and I am getting ready for a trip, more dark travels in search of dark things.

I promise when I get back good things are coming.

08/16/03 11:08 AM

Well we survived another blackout that wasn't supposed to happen but it did, I stayed in, it was to fucking hot to be outside and yesterday was another scorcher here but what are you going to do.

A Trinity note, I was watching Memento the other night again, if you didn't see Memento see it, anyway she was in it and even when she's not Trinity I think she's sexy, something about her, she is not the most attractive women in the world but she does have sex appeal at least to me she does and if you don't think so fuck you.  hahahahahahahahahaha

Ok onto serious matters, snuff is progressing and have some more people on the project so stay tuned.

I have not started writing or finished writing the projects that I started and need to get into it again.

Fucking hot her, I need to live in the artic.

08/11/03 8:22 AM

I hate Mondays. and especially when I have no sleep.

I am a insomniac, I also sleep walk but its the insomnia that kicks your ass. You really don't know if your sleeping or just lying there trying to fall asleep because it all becomes intertwined at some point, like your not really asleep but your not really awake, sort of conscious, kind of aware that you are lying there but  also not awake.  It gets annoying after a while.

I also sleep walk, I don't think the 2 are related just I get lucky with a double whammy sleep disorder, well sleep walking doesn't actually drain you and I am not aware that I am doing it at all so it's kind of cool, unless you see me doing it.

08/08/03 5:44 PM

Ok so its raining here and then stopping, when it is raining it is very cool then when it stops, the humidity seeps in, and when I say seep that's just what I mean, like down to the bone kind of seep, the fucking sweat that starts to develop, then the rain comes back.

Going to see the Ghost in a bit, haven't seen him in some time now and I miss him, the snuff flick is progressing, we have many location shots and now know where it will all take place, the Serial Snuff Killers coming soon to a location near you.

Onto inner workings, quite numb inside, which is for the most part normal for me, have I eluded to one of the facts about myself is the ability to look  through you, I can turn on and off my feelings like water, good or bad it doesn't matter it is what I am, today I am numb, I enjoy my numbness, have you ever seen the Wall, I love Pinky.

08/04/03 9:16 AM

Raining here today, and I mean raining, love it.

We need a volunteer to star in our snuff flick, well you know the only draw back.

08/02/03 8:48 PM

Hey, Some more location footage today, this is going to be good.

I've made the right choice, if we had hindsight we wouldn't wonder but my experience is that you always find out and that is that really.

Been very busy neglecting the site but I think some good stuff is coming soon, out with old and in with the new as they say, by the way who the fuck are they anyway.

07/31/03 11:45 PM

Been a few days, very busy, snuff film certainly underway, we need a victim any volunteers?

What else besides filming and scouting locations which has me exhausted, hopefully everything will go as planned and in a timely fashion and it has certainly been taking up some time.  So if I have been neglecting any of you, well you know.

Other than that I am numb at the moment.

07/26/03 11:22 AM

Will the sniper go on the loose today?  I don't know.

Ok  the brothers are dead, though the photos they have released are like those figures from wax museums I don't know.

I mean ok they were bad but they lived a modern Goth medieval life, rape, torture, Extreme Sadistic behavior at its best, I think we need to make them honorary Extreme Members because they do fit the bill, and I am sure they have some snuff films they could shared with us, if they were not so real they would be funny.  There was one cheech and chong flick, I cant remember the name of it now but were they played 2 sets of characters and one set was these Arab brothers and that's Udai and Qusai or whatever there names are, when I remember the name I will post it and you must watch it.

But back to my medieval brothers, I wonder what they would have done with the telemarketers here, just had a call that's why I wonder, anyway, oh yeah, you know your fucked up when they are sending the army after you, I mean not the FBI, CIA, ATF, the fucking 101st Airborne descending on your house, now that's some shit and if the stories are true in regular cowboy fashion they shot it out with them, now I know pride is a motherfucker but if the 101st is coming for you I don't know if you can shoot that one out it may be best to surrender at that point.

Like that real American hero's commercial we here at Extreme Salute you torturous, murdering, raping motherfuckers and well see you in hell.

07/22/03 8:42 AM

A slight observation I made yesterday, if you are a women and you need to wear a shirt that proclaims that you are sexy chances are your not.

You know another thing that is pissing me off, the music and movie mongrels complaining about file sharing programs on the internet, have these motherfuckers ever walked down a NYC street? You can buy bootlegs before they hit the theaters, and music, fucking bootlegs everywhere, see its not ok that we share files over the net but it's perfectly fine if you sneak into a theater with a cam corder and film the Bad Boys and sell it for what $5 on the street, why anyone buys these I don't know because I have seen one and they are fucking horrible, all black, can hardly hear anything, so I go to the movies and get annoyed by the crying infant that shouldn't be there and cant hear the movie, or I buy the bootleg that I can't see or hear, fucking media giants, if there is ever a revolution in this country that's where we need to start.

Oh did I mention I certainly am the sickest motherfucker that I know?  Why do I confirm that, my little secret that's why.

Snuff productions well under way as far as planning and some good stuff, getting very excited.

Some new photos in the group check them out.

07/20/03 12:32 PM

Not raining, oh well.

I was watching Bill Mahre last night or whatever the fuck his name is, his HBO special, I do not normal watch this guy but was last night, anyway I must admit I agreed with many of his opinions last night, or I should say the opinions of his writers.  Maybe there his I shouldn't say that, anyway if you get the chance check it out and on some level it has been shit I have been saying for some time. It's to much to get into and if you really care you will watch it on probably the 100 times HBO will run it again because you know how they like to do.

I will make this statement though, our society has become to touchy feely, and Bill blames it on the influence of women and that we men are now the minority, which I have to agree with him on this, I mean there is a time for talk and there is a time to bomb the shit out of somebody, and love it or leave it I do love this country,  I mean there are many things I don't like about it, for example I do not trust the govt, but who fucking does here, again though this is the greatest place in the world to live, sure I have been to places where you can say the quality of life is possibly better in the sense that the people are not as violent as we are, but there are places where they make our violence look like cub scouts but that's not the issue here.  

He made a statement that is so true regarding the Middle East and there treatment of women, if lets say in Germany, a country ruled by the whitest of white, that  they made there women walk around covered from head to toe the fucking world would be screaming at them and UN sanctions and blah blah blah because of the way they are treated, but because in the Middle East they one blame it on religion and two they are not white it's ok. Its ok to stone a women to death because she cheated on her husband.  Its ok for a man to take his children and tell the wife get the fuck out, I mean in way that is attractive to a man isn't it?

Was Hitler any fucking different?  I don't think he was, he thought he had divine right from God to purge the world of what?  Infidels, does that word sound familiar?  It should it is what the  fundamental Muslims think every one else is who doesn't follow the strict regimen of Islam.  Now don't get me wrong I think everyone should be able to live however they want given a choice.

See that's what makes this country great you have a choice, you want to be Muslim, be Muslim, you want to Jewish, be Jewish, you want to be Catholic, be Catholic, you want to be Christian and knock on peoples doors on Saturday mornings than do that, you want to be none of them than be none of them, you want to fuck goats then fuck goats, of but wait here in this country someone will say the goat didn't have a choice and they will say that the goat's civil rights were violated but you get the fucking point.

There there is no choice.

Love it leave it this the greatest place in the world to live, and sure there are other places I would live, there are some beautiful cities in the world with some really wonderful people and who knows one day I may end up in one of them but if your here enjoy this and if your not stop hating what we have.

07/18/03 10:51 PM

It's raining again bout fucking time, I think it will rain all week and I am fucking happy.

Pretty boring evening for me, well for a little bit I met with a collaborator on the upcoming Extreme project, very excited talk is going well.

I was thinking about the first 2 girls I had a crush on when I was a child, one was this girl Toni-Ann, I often how she turned out, I was what 7 maybe 8 years old, maybe younger, I often fought with her as little boys are supposed to do when they have a crush on little girls.

The other was Fadia Ishak, I think she was Syrian or something like that, Middle Eastern anyway, why all of a sudden they popped in my mind I have no fucking clue, tells you how bored I am.

Anyway, I have been in maintenance gear lately, cleaning, harmony that sort of shit, I know boring boring boring, I think the Sniper needs to go on the loose tomorrow

07/18/03 8:34 AM

OK so I am back at zero with my medical situation, the DR's did not find the results they were looking for in yesterdays test, it was sort of a cool test though at times painful, I was getting jolts of electricity shot into me so it was very interesting.

Been taking care of the house sort of for the past week and a half it seems, I think I am making progress as far as the comfort level goes, I  have created some space where there was non, shifting some things and its amazing what a pair of black curtains can do, yeah I know things are a bit boring right now, I will shake it up.

07/13/03 12:35 PM

Not much really going on right now, place is a mess doing some major rearragining trying to set the right balance, the home environment is very important, I need a mannequin I have decided, if it's not one thing in my life it is another that causes me stress I think soon I will take off to the dark of Eastern Europe where no one speaks any fucking English and I can just be, my original trip plans have to be slightly modified and I will head to a concentration camp but will probably spend much time near the Russian border, I should be in Turkey right now but I don't think its safe for me there right now so that is that really and Turkey is not going anywhere and if it does than none of this really matters does it.

I will try and go before the weather changes drastically though and in the mean time getting very excited about the films we are going to make and I think you will like them to just have patience.

07/09/03 8:35 AM

OK I'm still with you, well there was some so so news at the Dr's office for me, I will know more next week after of course some more tests.  Other than that a slight break in the weather today with thunderstorms yeah.

07/08/03 10:05 AM

Fucking hot today and I mean fucking hot, must have already been in the 90's by 8:30, and the fucking humidity, wait I am checking the weather now, yeah bullshit it says it feels like 82 right now, where not here, anyway so glad that I have the Air Conditioners now and maybe be adding one more not sure yet.

Ok onto other matters, I will once again see some Doctors today for them to tell me they don't know what is wrong with me, I really fucking hate Doctors they are so fucking stupid at times, like they tell you we see something in your brain but what we don't know so lets wait and see, anyway I will know more later or next week or next year or when I am dead so fuck it.

Getting ready to start thinking about where I am going next, been to long since I set foot on foreign soil and need to feel the ground of old Europe. Someone where not so fucking hot, maybe into the dark northern eastern Europe and visit some concentration camps

07/06/03 10:41 PM

Well I got the ink, I didn't want to spend the money today but said fuck it I mean what the fuck is life for anyway, I am quite satisfied with it, now here's another warning, if you don't have any ink once you start you don't stop and more than that you will put ink in places you said you will not.  I am very happy with the tribal work that is now on my arm but of course now I will have to continue it up the arm to the shoulder, see once you start you don't stop.

But by now you know my motto right.

07/06/03 11:59 AM

I went to see the fireworks on the fourth, now it takes allot to amaze me but if you are not from New York you need to make plans to be here on the fourth to see the show Macy's puts on, truly amazing.

Spent yesterday looking for a tattoo, I am looking for a tribal piece that can spiral up my starting from my wrist, I think I found it not sure but now starts the process of me picturing it on me and making sure I can live with it.

Oh did I mention we are going to make a snuff film?  It's in the works as more info comes about I will tell you.

Its hot here and I am glad I invested in the additional air conditioners for I am a polar bear, I think today is a lazy day for me.

07/04/03 10:34 AM

Americas birthday, and what do we do today, hotdogs, hamburgers, apple pie and fireworks, we celebrate Americas birthday with violent explosions, bombs bursting in the air, my wonderful nation was born through violence but what nation wasn't, and with pride I will say that we were the only nation to kick the English's ass, standing up to the big bad bully and winning and look at us now.  For all its faults would you live anywhere else, well I would, Prague for example but not because of any politics or oppression only because Prague is cool but that's not the point the point is that I can live anywhere I want with no one telling me I cant cross the border.  Anyway headed out for my part of the days celebration.

Confused as ever with certain choices I must make but what else is new, I am happy to be alive that is what counts and my soul is feeling normal, its difficult to live multiple lives.

07/02/03 11:03 AM

Going to be hot here again today, making some changes to the layout of the site don't  know if I will keep it.

Ok so I see in the news that the Fox Network will pull its Charlie Chan movies this summer citing that the Chinese are offended by the old movies, now maybe not everyone knows who Charlie Chan is, old movies from like the 30's and 40's depicting a Chinese detective who by the was not played by a Chinese guy but Lon Channing I believe, anyway that's not the fucking point, the fucking point is I think people need to get a fucking grip already, I mean every time you turn around some motherfucker is complaining that  his feelings are hurt.  Why don't we all just crawl  down some fucking hole and  die so we don't offend anyone.  Political Correctness can suck my fucking dick.

And remember this and this is very very important, if you can't be with the one you love, then tie up the one your with.

Master Dark