Whats new in Extreme Disorder

Did I mention my little female cat had to have surgery, she needed to be fixed, ok this was last week,, now up until yesterday this bitch didn't want anything to do with me. Like I'm the one that cut her cunt out or whatever they do. And the fucking look this little cat is giving me like she can cut me.

Its Monday, its humid, I want to put a bullet in my head. I bought another AC bringing the total to 4, I have allot of space to cool. I've given up, con ed will love me this summer, maybe it wont be as bad as I think it will be, who am I kidding, I put my Ac's on before I left for work on Friday and they were all running until last night.

This whole thing gets tiresome, at times I think to really give it all up, walk away, what is the purpose, why couldn't I have been the WTC on that day, I would have certainly walked away. The numbness that enters my life is at times so unbearable, the feeling of deep nothing that makes you wonder if it was all worth it.

Regarding Jesus pictures on your site, this is what Jesus says to you:

Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.

And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.

This applies to you even if you are Jewish!

Best Regards.

Oh ok can we just say now and forever more that the holy ghost can suck my fucking dick also

Any images you come across depicting this holy ghost, what ever that holy ghost is, that show this thing in a compromising position let me know, send them to me, lets post them and remember we are at war.

I fucking wrote a whole bunch of shit yesterday and I didn't save it, I am fucking loosing it that's all I know.

What a difference a year makes. The thoughts of what is the point are all back in a big way.

Ok I have had enough already of this hot fucking weather, today I left my air's on, Con Ed will live me this summer.

Every fucking band I want to see is on tour in Europe, the prices for flights are out of control and the Euro is killing the dollar. The aggressive music festival is going be one day only this year, the day before is the Ozz Fest in Boston, and the day after is the Ozz Fest in Hartford. Then the end of August the Knot will be making a appearance at the Ozz Fest in San Berdino CA. Other than that it all sucks. Making my travel plans now.

I have to make sense of it all, nothing makes sense, left, right or in the middle, reaching far back into the past for answers to the age old question that haunts me, who the fuck am I and why do I do what I do. Now don't get it twisted, I am not trying to make sense of the sick fuck I am, why would I want to do that, I love him, I embrace him, I would sooner put a bullet in my head than loose him, no its other things, maybe its only I am trying to surround myself with some people that know me at the moment,

OK I'm tired of the mess in my house, I need a house boy to come and clean for me that's that.

Its brutal hot here, it has been for the past few days, I don't even want to think about what my electric will be this month.

There is no fucking god, there never has been, if there was a god, wouldn't he now send another form of jesus back to save everyone, I wonder if we are still here 2000 years from now will they say a jesus walked the earth to come and save everyone then? I bet they do. I mean if you believe in this xtian crap then what you are saying is that 2000 years was worse off then now, that the people then were in more need for a savior then now.

This heat is zapping all the energy from me, I mean I'm in my office, the air is on but the humidity is in the air and all I want do is sleep. I have a earache, my back hurts and I want to sleep.

It's Friday, its raining, or it was anyway, I have no windows in my work space, I have a earache that wont go away, my sinuses are fucked up, I'm a mess today.

I think one thing that sort of irks me recently, now let me ask you, when doesn't something irk me? hahahahahaha

Ok wait, I have to say something about wacko jacko, now pedophiles in my book are the worse there is, I mean we wont even get into it, see what I love is how now people are debating should he be found guilty should his music stop getting played, what the fuck about Roman Polanski, I mean the motherfucker won a Academy Award while he is living in exile in France cause he's wanted here for what, fucking children, now has media blasted him, no not at all, leave the wacko jacko alone if your not going to hammer roman.

I hate it when people tell me what I want to hear, esp in the hopes of something like that I will maybe sort of change my evil ways or something like that. I am a island.

If I were to die today, and trust me the way I feel my body falling apart its a possibility, if I were to die today I would have only one regret at this moment in time, that I didn't win the mega millions and paid Selma Hyack and Penelope Cruz to get it on.

OK the new crew of DNP met last night, well our old member is back, looking good, lets hope he stays that way plus 2 new members, with maybe a 3rd, I already feel we made progress, were going to be doing possible fundraisers we need to generate some cash for equipment, going to be going in the field, and get a cable access show, lets hope no one flakes out.

Its fucking hot already here, I cant stand this fucking place in the summer, yeah the weather here says it feels like 72, can you explain that, its 71 with 82% humidity so its got belike what 90 hear index, motherfuckers are quick to say how cold it is with the wind chill but not that quick to tell you how hot it is with the humidity, can I just say that it is a lovely 54 in Amsterdam going up the high of today, 60.

Ok my current and last Nigerian scam conversations and emails are getting bizarre, after these I am done I believe.

My foul mood towards certain things has gotten worse today, let me share with you some more Slayer lyrics

The new album due out October, Slayer, Slayer, hahahahaha, cant wait to see them, I may head off to Europe to see them, the only reason I'm not going to France for the knot is the airfare and the dollar is getting killed against the euro, oh that's 2 reasons, hahahahahaha, ok the Knot plays one Ozz Fest in San Berdino, I think I may be going, what the fuck why not, CA for a week, I've always been afraid to go to CA, like I would never come back.

I just had thought and it left just as quick and I cant get it back, it was a great thought, it reminds me of my old acid days, in one moment I would know the secret of the universe and then I would forget.

Well I am almost finished painting another room and I have my Kitchen and Bedroom back in order which is good.

The one thing I cant stand more than anything else is when people want to treat me like I'm a idiot, its so appalling to me, I think of the reasons they do is one my appearance which has always sort of worked for me, I can really look like a innocent naive little boy, hahahahahahahahaha, and I think my Peter Pan mentality also contributes, what lurks behind the eyes of a psycho is the ever knowing eye. Now what's weird is it depends on how deep in you get with me before the violation is unforgiving. I'm a very private person, you can know me for years and not know certain things about me. I mean sure part of that is the psycho in me, but also every one is suspect.

This is why it seems I am destined to walk the earth alone, maybe I should go live under a bridge and stand on the corner all day shouting insanities at people. Maybe its time I make the move to Amsterdam, I saw a article in the news, some Texas chick found after 7 years, she had disappeared and her family thought she was abducted, no she just wanted to get away from them, hahahahahahaha, I can understand that.

And if your fucking reading this and you wonder if its for you your fucking a right it is.

The venom inside me for you is a venom I have not felt towards someone or something in quite some time and if you don't understand why then fuck you even more, there are reasons why psychos turn into serial killers and usually it has to do with some stupid ass bitches.

Good news race fans, "Looking For Kevin" has new life, my old partner is back from the dead looking fitter and better than ever, on top of that we now have 2 additional members to the crew with a possible 5th coming into the fold, exciting times lat ahead, we will be trying to gain access to come local cable channels and do a weekly show.

What else, there was something else I wanted to share with everyone and now I've forgotten

So the King of Pop's fate is at the hands of the Jury, can you imagine him being someone's prison bitch?

I'm exhausted, my house is a wreck, starting today I finish the job no more fucking around.

We are at the halfway mark of a uneventful year so far for me. No good tours are happening, nothing I mean nothing, no Slayer, Slipknot is 6000 miles away, flights are expensive, the dollar is getting killed against the Euro, what the fuck what the fuck, well the project will hopefully kick into high gear now.

Long weekend is over, ok I went to Great Adventure, I waited I don't know how many hours for the new Kingda Kun, all I can say is it was fucking worth it, I was one of the last to ride it that night, I mean the fucking thing was over as soon as it started but my god, have to go back very soon to do it again, I think you can spend 3 days there in the park, anyway I haven't been there in so long, I didn't get to get on everything I wanted but there's always next time.

I am so pissed off at some people here at my job, the wonderful thing about having the job I have is what I get to do in a little while, I am locking everyone down, strict strict access now. hahahahahahahaha

What have I done, what have I started, its been 2 days since I slept in my bed, my cats are a wreck, my house is a wreck, there are demons everywhere and the little midgets won't leave me alone, hahahahahahahahahaha, only kidding, I'm not kidding about the not sleeping in my bed or the cats, the house is a wreck though, why did I start painting why, well I had to the smell of burnt wood was getting on my nerves, I had to stop yesterday and go back to home depot as one of my walls is a mess and needs repairs before I can continue, I will have a mad dash today when I get home from work, I hope to at least maybe have my bed back. I do like the color I am painting.

So I am painting now in my house., I will post some pics when I'm done, of course I cant paint normal, is there anything about me that's normal?

I didn't come into work on Friday, I needed to clean all my clothes that got the smell of smoke in them, yes I have really downplayed the damage this smoke fire caused in my home, obviously I am painting and cleaning all my clothes so it was bad ok, I mean there were no flames so didn't consider it bad, there was fucking smoke though, hahahahahah.

So yes I didn't come to work and of course my coworker who had to do only 2 things for me when I'm not here fucked it up. Can I ask a question, now we say there are not enough jobs, the economy is bad blah blah blah, ok here's a solution kill all the fucking stupid people and bam population reduced by more than half, more than half I tell you.

So the yahoo saga is over, they deleted my ID and will not answer why, they sent me a couple of emails over the weekend saying unless required by law they would not, I always thought because I paid for the premium mail service I was safe from there bullshit, guess not, that's ok it doesn't matter really.

Yahoo has deleted my ID, I have had that ID for a long time, I am so fucking frustrated, so pissed off, after many phone calls to them they finally give some TOS bullshit, I know what it was, I posted a message the the Extreme Disorder group, which by the way has also been deleted.

I'm working on it, and I just updated so many fucking pages on this site with that shit, I am pissed the fuck off, you fucking Jesus freaks, anyway for those of you looking for me here I am

Ok so my house still smells like smoke, now I don't know if I fully appreciate the fact that I didn't die the night before from smoke asphyxiation, I mean do I really care, would I give a fuck if I went now, well I mean I haven't won one of those mega million power ball lotteries so I can then offer money to Selma Hyack and Penelope Cruz how much you think those 2 sluts would want, I mean I would part with a million each to have them both for a weekend, but they better look like there into each other or no fucking deal, ok I'm being silly now, probably would be Angelina. Now I need to wash every fucking thing, my weekend is ruined I'm thinking of staying home from work tomorrow and start the laundry

You know there really is a reason why I don't interact well with people on the deeper emotional levels that the majority of the population seems to strive on, I mean first off I'm a psycho, so that really should be where the mystery ends, Last week in S.I. was a article on Randy Moss, seems he's a psycho also, anyway he made a comment and I'm not quoting him but he was explaining why he doesn't get very close to people, so there can be no misunderstandings, and that's just it no misunderstandings.

So as I started saying, on so many ways I don't exist, who would really know I was gone if I was gone? I remember one trip I was on traveling alone, I was in a few countries and I was hard pressed to find anyone that spoke English, now I remember thinking I should feel so alone so isolated but I didn't, I mean I did worry that I was going to loose my voice cause I wasn't using it that much but other than that I could have been down the street from my house that's how good it felt to not have to interact with people. Yes some of you that know me in the real person may think but damn dude your pretty sociable, read the fucking profiles of psychos ok.

Ok so my France trip doesn't look like its going to happen, and obviously I'm not going to Austria next week, the fucking dollar is taking a beating and I just cant justify it so this year I may be doing the Domestic thing, I always did want to go to Washington State and see where Cobain grew up so maybe Ill do that. Unless at the last minute I can find a cheap ticket to France.

OK I went home now back at work, I didn't tell anyone I went out, another hour long disappearing act, sooner or later they are going to find out, hahahahahaha, OK I turned the candle off this morning, when you come on my floor though you can smell there was fire, hahahahahahahaha, really its not funny my biggest fear in this life is to burn to death, so I will be home cleaning like a motherfucker later after work to rid the air of the smell.

So all night while I'm sleeping I smell this smell, I wake up and start looking outside to see if there was a fire, the fire was in my house, hahahahahahahahaha, the damage was nothing, I had this tree that was in a big pot, well the tree died sometime ago but I had left the pot and soil there, so I used to burn incense in it, sure enough the dead tree caught on fire and the plastic pot it was in, and the and there was burn marks on the floor, now I don't know why I'm here at work as I am worried some small embers escaped into the floor boards and I will go home and the whole building will be on fire.

So the smell of ash and burnt plastic was all through my house, still embedded in my nostrils hahahahahahahaha.

Now I'm sitting here thinking I left a candle on, I started one to help with the smell, you know one of those girly scented candles, hahahahahaha, ok so what to do what to do.

I think I am going to have to leave here for a bit and see if everything is ok, I can concentrate on nothing else.

Ok race fans, Looking For Kevin is back in production, been filming, find the Dark Night calendar to see where we will be next. I've been filming all last week really ever since I ran into Gregg, last night I was at some old locations and they have changed drastically. Lets hope this keeps rolling.

Can you have everything you want? If you had it would you still want it? Would you know what to do with it? Are you to afraid to take the step into no mans land never to be seen or heard from again?

Its Friday the 13th my little kiddies, it is the only one this year so you better enjoy it.

Did some small work on the film, I saw Gregg and some pics that are going up soon.

I have been doing some small cosmetic changes to the site, still tons of updates to get to and should have some more up this weekend.

I am still messing around with my Nigerian scammers, now I am having 2 conversations with one "women" with 2 different ID's, I know I have nothing better to do with my time, hahahahahahahahahaha.

Something I don't know what, this heaviness is hanging over me, it could be just the change in weather, could be the emptiness is back, there is a deep emptiness swelling inside me, so many things to complete and not doing any of them as I sit back and allow myself to wallow in it all. I was sitting in Rite Aid the other day waiting for some medication and I started to fall asleep, I was wondering if I would be able to will myself to die right there, I guess I cant, hahahahahahahah.

Many many updates to the site, more coming later every day this week till everything I have is up. One of what I consider the more special ones is this lovely beauty

Finally getting around to updates, check the sic section some great stuff is going up there, will be all day, for now though I had to share this one picture with you all

Friday, oh did I mention that for real now the babe of the day is being updated every day again, it started this week, hahahahahahaha, hey fuck you all that's I'm saying, I'm like a one man show motherfuckers and you have seen all the content that is up on here so go fuck yourselves, I have to sift through all the sick and perverted stuff that is emailed to me on a daily basis, just that by itself is draining then I have to get up here which I haven't been able to do so of course I have tons of pics that need to be posted

I am in a particularly ugly violent mood today, many things are the cause of this mood that transpired yesterday, its so many things that not one of them can pin point the mood, I need a vacation that's what it boils down to.

I opened my work email this morning and I had the most disturbing email from a child porn site, I have reported this site now to several agencies including the FBI, now you all know how I feel about the FBI but this is one instance where I believe they are needed. The images of this child porn were possible the most fucked up shit I have ever saw, there is one thing I cant stand and its pedophiles, I will really hunt local pedophiles now, I'm actually sick to my stomach at the moment, we all know the sick fuck I am but when it comes to this, I hope one day our society allows us to put these fuckers to death through torture on a pay per view scale, with the proceeds going to hunting more pedophiles and the help for the victims. Its in these moments when nothing else really seems to matter, that all other things are trivial, I'm really fucked up in the head with this now.

The guy I know, that I didn't know was a pedophile, I was going to let it go, I am in a association with him now I will print out his offender sheet and make it available to other members of the association.

For the record, I had a 2 year old niece that was raped and murdered by one of these sick fucks , this was years ago none the less, I can't help but wonder how these motherfuckers can get off on this, what the fuck do they find so attractive about this shit? Let the hunt begin

Hello kiddies, so I'm on my way home from work yesterday and who do I see? Gregg, remember him? Here's some pics from yesterday, of course I got him on film, here's about a one minute clip, you should do a right click on it and save target as, this is a big Gregg, I don't know how long I'm going to keep this bad boy up here.

Working a little bit with Gregg was good for me yesterday though he is out of his mind.

Oh here it was, OK I'm bored at work yesterday, I go on the sex offenders registry and look up the offenders that are in my area, low and behold I know one them motherfuckers, I mean I don't know him well, in fact I never really could stand the motherfucker, now what do you do in this situation, do I let him know I know or do I just spit on him? Hmmm you tell me.

SO I missed the Spokane show and guess what, it was fucking cancelled, hahahahahahaha, so fucking happy I didn't go I would have been so fucking pissed, ok I'm looking for flights to France for some shows in June.

So our new pope has left the #2 man in the Vatican in the position, this man Sodana is a very dangerous man. He thinks we the public have made to big a deal on the matter of child fucking priests.

Issues, everyone's got issues. Ok my biggest gripe with the female race is this, you are all to fucking sensitive, we really don't give a fuck, here's something I wrote long ago, how men think, now maybe its possible that I'm the fucked up one, after all I'm a physco right, but what I'm saying is that we as a society have become way to feely, maybe this is my attraction to Europe or parts unknown.

Today in Rotten History, in the year of our lord 1233 Pope Gregory IX places the Inquisition in existence, lets give a big cheer for torture. This days was also Hitler's Bday, another cheer for Genocide. And finally this is the day of Columbine, pissed of school kids with guns who the system had failed.

Dr's appointment today, this is where I find out if I'm dying and I go on my murderous spree, hahahahahahahaha, I have been feeling much better since last week, last week I swear I was going to die.

Prison. Man made prisons of emotional lockdown, conditioning of what they want us to be, fear of what we really are, the moral majority leading the way, this is the world we live in, underground cities will begin to emerge as we have no choice but to remove ourselves from the modern witch hunts that wish to destroy us, we are not safe.

The new pope is elected, more hard line than the old one, gotta love the Catholics.

The Matrix is real, brothers and sisters of the night, who among you will run with the hunt.

Ok this is ten year mark of Oklahoma City, but you know what else it is? ITS THE 12 YEAR MARK OF WACO TEXAS. That little event in out history seems to never really make on this day as they seem to care more about Oklahoma City, there are no govt memorials for the victims of Waco, David Koresh and the Branch Davidians are second hand citizens I guess. This is what it looked like.

I am actually feeling much better physically today, could it have been the stress of all the shit in my house?

King Diamond plays tomorrow night, well tonight also in the city, no I just found out he's not playing tonight, voice problems.

Monday in the land of me. The weather is already to fucking hot for me, tomorrow they are talking about 80 fucking degrees here, I'm in trouble.

As reported I have not been feeling well, going to the DR on Wednesday to see what's up, could be nothing could be something I don't know, hahahahahahaha. If I am given like say 6 months to live don't worry you will all know about it. All I can say is if your on my list, hahaahahahahahahahahaha. I would definitely be going out in a Natural Born Killer sort of way. I mean might as well have some fun with it know what I'm saying.

SO they begin to select the new pope, how fucking archaic and medieval is this religion, I mean if your catholic and I offend you, well you know, FUCK YOU, I'm offended by the churches lack of compassion for these child fucking priests that run amok in our society, oh what can I do little church parishioner I am, what can you do, bombard the Vatican with a letter campaign that forces them to do something about. God help us, hahahhahahahahahahahah, as these live in the fucking dark ages fucking cardinals vote for the moral right of the world. Al Queda is targeting the wrong people.

Yes I'm up this fucking early on a Sunday, so the stuff is out of here, he got it today, after 2 days of bullshit from him where he tried to make me feel guilty for wanting the bags and bags removed from my hallway, I am the bad guy hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I basically stayed in all day yesterday waiting for this shit to be gone and it didn't happen so my Saturday was wasted, I wanted to do some urban exploring yesterday, there's always next week, I did get to defrost my freezer which needed it badly but that wasnt how I wanted to spend my saturday, I watched the 2004 version of Dawn of the Dead late last night, I woke up like 3 am on the couch and it was on, it was very cool.

Its tax day, did you file? I have to say the one Govt agency I don't want on my back is the IRS, don't fuck with the tax man.

OK on this day in 1792 the Guillotine was first tested, thank goodness, now let me ask did they test this on humans till they got it right? This little fact brought to us by This Day In Rotten History by our friends Rotten.com.

Later today I will call my friend about his storage, the deadline is tomorrow high noon, hahahahahaha.

The chilly weather is sticking around, I mean for me this is the perfect weather, I need to find a place where it is like this all year round and I will be very satisfied.

So by now I hope many of you know, if you don't here are you, our wonderful Govt is now considering a bill that would regulate cable and satellite companies, so basically the media that you purchase, you buy this ok, the Govt wants to impose indecency laws on this content also, the internet is next and sites like this will be gone. There are some people in Washington fighting for us, they see how are freedoms are being stripped daily by these Nazis in control of our country, one side note it doesn't matter who's in the office there are all the fucking same.

Ok here is his site Bernie Sanders, he has introduced bill HR 1440 IM titled Stamp Out Censorship, you must write your congressman and tell you support bill HR 1440, you can read about it there. You can find and write your congressman here don't be lazy, send off a email to them, if they here from enough of us they will listen.

I haven't been feeling well lately, I mean physically, I need to get to the DR, I have either diabetes or I'm dying, hahahahahahaha, of course I would be dying because its only just begun, hahahahahahaha. So if in the near future the writings stop and then the site goes down you know why, maybe I will make provisions for one of you to take over, of course I'm thinking the worse I'm a conspiracy theorists for christs sake.

So now the airports will not let you bring your lighters on the plane anymore, can someone really explain the logic is? They still give you metal knives and forks, they will let me on the plan with a pen, do they know the damage I can do with a pen? And this is all because of terrorists threats, wouldn't a better measure to safe guard against terrorists would be to make a announcement in the airport, at the start of a flight to all the passengers like if you see suspicious activity then fuck the person up, I mean I know if I get a freebie and its one where I can really go off them you don't think I will and enjoy the motherfucker, its just all so fucking stupid.

Ok not sure if I ranted about this already, yes I did I just remembered, ok anyway my friend who stuff has been in my place for going on 3 fucking months now, 3 fucking months now, 3 fucking months, it was supposed to be 2 fucking days, 2 days ok, 2 days = 3 months, now last Friday I called him and said maybe its time you consider storage cause its fucking time, he's like yeah I think your right Ill call you back, I haven't heard from him since, its ok though cause tomorrow will be one more call then Sunday it goes in the garbage and I really don't give a fuck but what's more is this, never, never, never and I mean never, did I say NEVER again will I do this again.

Decisions decisions, do I go to Austria and Germany for 2 festivals or do I go to France Belgium and Switzerland, hmmmmm. At the moment I'm really leaning towards France, this is it for a while with the Knot.

Ok So I'm not gong to Spokane, but I am now eyeing some dates in my favorite country in the world, France, yeah right, France, Switzerland and then Belgium, or do I go onto Tokyo, such hard decisions in my life, hahahahahahaha. The more I think about it while I'm sitting here the more I think I'm going to France. I have to talk to Ivone and see what the deal is.

Looking at the Ozz Fest line up, it looks good but he dates are horrible for me, I may do one show in PA and that's it.

So Eric Rudolph pleads guilty today, now I don't agree with what Eric did but I am proud that he eluded the FBI for 5 1/2 years, you bet your fucking ass I am and how he made them look stupid and even further that it was a rookie cop that bagged him and not the tremendous manhunt that was on for him. Soon we will hear his reasons why he was bombing shit.

Monday fucking morning. There is a cloud of doom that seems to be hanging over my head, the ill feeling I have isn't lifting, if I'm dying it should just happen already and be done with it, hahahahahahaha.

As the weather here changes the urges to be in Amsterdam grow stronger, I feel Eastern Europe call me also.

Did some urban exploring yesterday, I have to get back to this location with better flashlights and more time, also it would be good to have my camera charged up, anyway here's a couple of pics, I need to get back there soon as I think this building will soon be demolished.

I was listening to Howard this morning, he of course was again going off on the Govt and how they are stripping our rights. No shit, I've been telling people this for years but now some of them are starting to wake up. Howard played a clip from the Star Jones show whoever that cunt is, it wasn't Star it was someone on her show that had said we are in Iraq fighting for Democracy and loosing it here. The Matrix is real.

DO you know what today is? It is the day Kurt Cobain was murdered, yes I maintain that he was murdered, read the evidence and decide for yourself. We still miss you Kurt.

I slept so fucked up last night, I woke up and my fucking neck was so stiff I couldn't move, hahahahaha.

OK how about this, I was in Duane Reade buying cigarettes and I gave the bitch a 20, she then says I gave her only 10 so I get the manager to count her drawer and of course it was over, I just walked out instead of cursing the lowlife thrash out that she was.

Im happy to see some people are saying the things I feel about the Pope and the Vatican, now do you realize some people are standing in line 24 hours just to walk by his body. Hey this one slipped by me, did you know Cardinal Bernard Law who was the Archbishop in Boston who resigned from the Boston church due to the sex abuse scandal, he now heads the St Mary Major basilica, this is one of the most important churches in Rome. Its ok Cardinal Law will not be allowed entry either as he will service the demons in hell with oral favors day and night.

I am finally working on the pics I took at the knot shows hahahahahahaha, so today at work I will be doing nothing but that fuck em.

I was so exhausted yesterday I mean exhausted, I fell asleep somewhere between 10-11, not normal for me.

Well ding dong the Pope is dead. Do you think he's Satan's bitch right nor? Listen don't get me wrong, now I'm sure he was a nice man, everyone speaks highly of him but lets face facts, the Vatican, and he was the big cheese there right? The Vatican truly has done nothing in the prevention of HIV spreading in Africa, they have told there parishioners that the use of condoms is bad, hahahahahaha, like don't waste the precious sperm but hey its ok you get AIDS. And we all know how I feel about child fucking priests, and how they never really said anything about this. Ahh what does it matter, will they ever change.

On a side note, I received email spam today for child porn, now as much as I hate the government but these sites I have to report, no I'm not giving out the address you sick fucks.

The weather here in my great City has been perfect for me, slight chill in the air but its going to get warm, yes the high 60's to me is warm ok motherfucker. Amsterdam is calling me.

Ahh my partner, what mess has he gotten himself into now, not quite sure yet waiting to hear from him regarding this matter but I don't think its good. I was in the famed Ft Apache Precinct here in the Bronx last night, it looks allot smaller than the movie, hahahahahaha.

Slipknot in Spokane is out for me, I have to concentrate on Europe tours now, this is it for my beloved Knot, Stone Sour goes back in the studio in September so its over.

That's it, I was reading a article in Kerang, Ozzy, now I love Ozzy ok, wait do I really give a fuck what you think? OK Ozzy was saying how the new bands aren't making music like the old bands, no really, and that it wasn't as good. That the old days there were more guitar solos and stuff, IBM not going word for word on this article ok you want to know go get the fucking mag all right. Now if the bands today wanted the old stuff don't you think they would do the old stuff? I mean maybe they were fed up like I was with the bullshit music that was coming out, the fantasy of it all, this is one thing I hate about old rockers or even dudes my age, its like whatever you were listening to when you were 20 like that's it, the same CD's blah blah blah. Another friend of mine, my age now, he's listening to the Who the other day, and he's telling me how hard they are, The Who were a fucking pop band and by no means hard. No the real funny thing is he was listening to them, its like music for them is about living in the past in these memories of what it was, the good old fucking glory days, fuck that man the glory days are here with us now, why does the ride ever have to come to a end?

Another friend I was talking to yesterday, as his 2 year old screams in the back ground while the 11 year old is tugging on his leg and I'm trying to get him to go with me to see King Diamond in a couple of weeks, anyway, I'm telling him move with me, leave the family behind and lets live in the country and have 18 year old virgins worship us, he laughs like we couldn't have that, hahahahahahahaha, but what I wonder why is how the fuck he hasn't killed himself yet, I'm a sick fuck right, as he swallows another vicodin listening to Pink Floyd remembering what yesterday was like when we were 20 and Masters of the Universe, as I realize I am forever 18, I am Peter Pan, I live in the chocolate factory, I am never ever land.

Its sort of one of those days, I was going to start off with a joke but not in the mood for it, maybe later.

The pope is in grave condition, I tell you this man is scared, he knows he will be judged, all the forces of nature are trying to kill him and yet he continues. My thing with the catholic church is simply this, they will make statements like they made yesterday, that the Florida women's death was, damn I cant remember the exact quote now, it was insult to god or something like that, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD FUCKING PRIESTS ISN'T THAT A INSULT TO GOD, ISN'T THAT A FAR WORSE INSULT TO GOD THAN SOME WOMEN WHO CANT FUNCTION DYING? HOW COME THE FUCKING VATICAN DOESN'T COME OUT AND SAY THESE THINGS, BUT, BUT WE ARE THE EVIL OF THE WORLD, WE ARE SATAN'S CHILDREN.

Ok I'm getting bored with the Nigerian scammers, need to step it up, IM going after the pedophiles now, this will be special, we will try to get them to meet and then video tape this, it should be fucking hilarious, some tell me its dangerous, hahahahahahahahahahaha, maybe we will cut some dicks off who knows, we could all become like pedophile serial killers hunting them down. I will also video tape my chats with them in case the fucking feds come to fuck with me.

OK there is something me wrong with at times, well most of the time, now I know you do this so don't act like you don't, when I'm done taking a shit I look in the bowl, I don't know what IM looking for ok but I look, now last week I looked and I had to take a picture of it to share with you cause my shit took the form of a small bird, hahahahaha, I swear I thought for a moment, did I eat something I shouldn't have?

In the news today Rwanda rebels denounce the genocide that took place in the Rwanda in 1994, for those of you that don't know the Rwanda Hutus committed genocide of Rwanda Tutsis around 800,000 were killed in I believe a 4 month span, the country has been at war since then with the Tutsis taking control back in 1994 that ended the genocide. Now why am I bringing this up you may be wondering? Clinton did nothing to stop this genocide, it could have been stopped with military aid, now the bigger thing on my part of course is do I really give a fuck? No then why bring this up.

WHERE WERE THE BLEEDING HEART LIBERALS WHILE THIS WAS HAPPENING, WHERE WERE THE PIECES OF SHIT THAT LOVE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT HUMAN RIGHTS, ABOUT THE HUMAN RIGHTS WE ARE NOW SUPPOSED TO BE VIOLATING IN IRAQ, HOW COME THE RWANDAN TUTSIS WERE NOT PLASTERED ALL OVER THE WORLD, LITTLE CHILDREN WERE KILLED LIKE BUGS BECAUSE THEY WERE TUTSIS, WHERE WERE THE MICHAEL MORRES OF THE WORLD THEN, HOW COME THERE WAS NO FUCKING DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE POOR TUTSIS THAT WERE SLAUGHTERED, IT JUST FUCKING ANGERS ME THAT THESE SUBVERSIVES ARE VIEWED HERE AS SPEAKING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE BUSH WAR PIG, WHAT ABOUT THE MURDERING CLINTON? SEE WE ARE HYPOCRITES HERE AND THAT'S THE WHY THE WORLD HATS OUR GOVERNMENT, I FUCKING HATE OUR GOVERNMENT, I FUCKING HATE THE CRY BABIES AND THERE BULLSHIT PROPAGANDA.

My disgust for the human race grows more with each day, we are tunnel people you and I.

OK I'm a little better today than yesterday, I still hate, I guess I am always amazed at something, I know what I am, how I am there is no denying this, what's funny is how those that know me, or think they know how they have this perception of me, it does really go back to the xtian influences on people weather they are xtian or not and I am the fucked up one, ok ok I do fucked up shit sometimes, I'm a psycho what do you expect? I have a friend, the one who is using my place as storage, the complete lack of any responsibility by this person boggles my mind, the way this person uses the people who befriend this person is a great example of the complete disregard to any type of value system.

OK yes if you get in my life chances are you will be affected, I am me and everything that brings, I try my best to keep you out of it but of course it cant be helped, no one owes me anything, there is no free fucking lunch, I pay for everything I do, I accept the price of admission to this show and fork it over willingly, what I cant fucking stand is those that just take and take and take and can not see the life sucking psychic vampires that they are, run from these motherfuckers they are the worse kind of predator, which leads me to this person, the worst kind of leach there is, ok leach may be a strong word at the moment, do I give a fuck for strong words? See I don't care how you live you life, do what you want, I don't care, fuck goats and monkeys for all I care but here's the key, leave me the fuck out of it, don't take advantage of me.

I am certainly the most isolated person I know. Is this something new I am telling you? I answer questions with questions, confusion is my tactic, what fucking commitment. I enjoy my privacy. Which leads me to this. I have a huge apartment, 3 bedrooms for me and my 2 cats, you remember Chaos and Mayhem don't you? Now because I have this huge apartment over the years my friends seem to think I am a storage area, I have shit in there for someone for going on 3 months now, its getting on my fucking nerves because of his reluctance to put this shit in storage, but he can go get a new fucking tattoo, the irresponsibility of some people and the lack of any understanding at times makes me want to kill.

Got a new DVD burner last night, didn't hook it up yet, why am I telling you this, cause I have nothing better to say, hahahahahahhahahahaha.

The serious thoughts of relocating are coming back to me, I am so drawn to Cherry Hill, but the Pocono's look better and better to me also. And I have not given up on Eastern Europe or Amsterdam. Its like, do you ever feel that you are approaching the edge? Its like you can smell it, touch it, feel it, think it but cant quite yet see it. I need to break out of the unmotivated state I am in, I can slowly feel it coming about, I am getting sporadic moments of energy and thought, when I get them I am trying to capitalize on them.

Anyway lovely March weather is on us here, cold rain, winds, dreary weather and I fucking love it.

I am reading to many fucking books at once again, I think I was reading 3 and then I started a 4th and I have about 6 others I need to get to and now I added another to the list, hahahahahahaha.

So I woke up today to hear children screaming outside, I shouldn't hear children screaming that means I'm late, hahahaha it was 8:15, I should be here at 8 you know, lets just say its Monday, I hate my fucking job, the only good thing is its raining out.

Ok of course the big news is the Florida women Schiavo, 15 years she has lived like this, 15 fucking years, now listen to me if it was me I would want to be dead but that's just me no the big thing is this.

I turned on Bill Marh the other night only briefly, I heard him saying "why is the xtian people are the ones most afraid to meet there maker" well maybe that wasn't his exact words but you get it ,why Bill? Cause there fucking scared that's why, I don't mean the Schiavo women, I mean the leaders that have come to put there 2 cents in it so she can live through a fucking tube, now I'm almost positive if you were following the xtian way that feeding tubes are against the law of god, I mean is this a contradiction, its against the law to commit suicide, thus prematurely ending your life, now wouldn't force feeding someone fall under the same category? Think about it they are both altering your life cause the xtian motherfuckers, well they of course know what's best for you. You cant even fucking die in dignity in this country anymore, all these right to fucking lifers, are they helping with the bills? They can all suck my fucking dick, oh she need to get communion yesterday because it was easter.

Why hasnt the pope dropped yet? Cause like I already stated he's scarred and should be, hahahahaha.

OK Im thinking about going to Spokane for the Knot show on the 17th, how fucking sick am I, hahahahahaha, I would much father head there like the 15th and catch a couple of the Washington shows.

I was thinking today as I was walking to work on this wonderful dismal day, did I mention we got more snow? I was thinking, wondering if I have really changed, am I the same anarchists I was way back when, I mean sure I'm not falling down drunk anymore like I was when I was 21 but am I the same, if you knew me when I was 18 would you recognize me now? The answer is yes you would. Do I still believe in FTW, your fucking a right I do.

1 a : absence of government b : a state of lawlessness or political disorder due to the absence of governmental authority c : a utopian society of individuals who enjoy complete freedom without government
2 a : absence or denial of any authority or established order b : absence of order : Disorder

The world is my playground, sometimes I don't play enough, sometimes I play to much, what is the purpose here on this planet, is it to mass produce little monsters that will pollute the earth further? Or is it to enjoy every last thing there is to enjoy? You do realize one day I will live under a bridge don't you.

What fucking rules, why do they apply to me, who made them, did they follow them, something changed last night, what I don't know, I was sitting home, realizing, asking myself what the fuck was I doing, it was late and of course I get these thoughts late at night and this mornings thoughts were left over, good.

I was thinking about Mark, how we were when we were 18, how if I was there would he be where he is now? But then I asked myself, or said to myself, I am still 18, hahahahahahahahahaha, I am a fucking child never will I conform, never will I give in.

Sure I come to work everyday and that's why it makes me sick, cause I'm a anarchist and I have had to become part of the system in order to live, I didn't say that I am into poverty, I do what I want here, get here late almost every fucking day, go to sleep when I want, leave when I want, take off when I want, I think that all that know me know I don't live by there rules.

Here's to Anarchy. And in the words of my beloved Knot, fuck it all, fuck this world, fuck everything that you stand for.

I don't know who's more crazy me or my friend Ivone from Germany, we are talking about going to the Spokane Slipknot show, she would be traveling 32 hours, I'm looking for flights to Spokane for me now, hahahahahaha. This could really be it for some time for Slipknot, if you haven't seen them on this tour yet get there, its most likely the last one for a while. I want to go to Austria at the end of April for a festival and little vacation.

We live in this sunlight world of there's, forced into this existence during the day, to work with them, play with them, eat with them, maybe one day we will eat them, anyway they make there jokes safe in there little cocoons where they feel the unthinkable will never happen until it does, no one is untouchable no one. They try to make sense of it I guess with there boring life's and supermarket chat as the fill the mall department stores in search of what they think is the American dream, these fucking cunts with there toys in tow, these dumb asses not able to think or fend for themselves anymore, the Matrix is real and the control is most likely a women. I love women I do maybe many of remarks seem to leave the taste that I hate them and on the contrary I don't, I admire them and there sick sadistic ways. Yes they are sadists just think about it.

I seem to be on this kick lately don't I? hmmmm wonder what is causing that, I think its boils down to one simple thing.

So a young man lost it in Minnesota, 10 killed in the school, his grandfather and his grandfathers wife were also found dead. It is said the boy wore black, was a loner and was picked on by his peers. Ok I'm not condoning what the young man did but what I am saying is here is another example of the system failing the boy and the people that were killed. I'm sure they will find satanic things about him to make sense of it all instead of just realizing and accepting they fucked up and should have seen this coming.

I think I have mentioned it before but I was watching TV last night and I saw a commercial for the Gap with Sarrah Jessica Parker, now I never watched sex and the city, if the bitches were getting raped maybe I would haven, anyway I see all these bitches who think they are these chicks on the show, I can imagine there is multitude of these small group of women who liken themselves to these bitches, oh what you have a problem with the word bitch? DID YOU FORGET WERE YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKER AND REMEMBER WHAT YOU CAN DO OK, so anyway like I was saying. I even know one or two of them, now here's some news, you are not these bitches, these bitches don't exists, your life isn't that fucking important, and most of these bitches are dried up cunts anyway.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

I think I'm going get some ink done this week, maybe Thursday, I feel the need to feel the needle.

Ok on the Dark Night front, well my partner appeared for a day and then disappeared just as quickly, I have to face it and realize he's gone from us and that's that.

The knot in Cobo hall was what I thought it would be, I first have to say that downtown Detroit was, well it was something to be desired, I couldn't even get a McDonalds or something after the show, lucky there was a Hard Rock Cafe around the corner from the Hotel so at least I got to eat after the show.

I have to say that the security at Cobo was the best I have ever seen, they were courteous and took care of us, a welcome difference from what usually takes place.

The Knot was one member down, the Clown had to fly home due to his wife's illness and Chriss Fehn was on crutches, I left them for only 4 days and look what happens, hahahahaha. Where do I go from here, I hear that Stone Sour is going in the studio in September so its over then, I have to get some more shows in, maybe Texas or California, maybe Atlanta this coming Saturday who the fuck knows.

So the scammers are coming full blast at me now and they are trying, its hysterical, wait to you see the new one.

Have I mentioned how I hate these sex and the city wannbe bitches that live in my great city, for that matter I hate all the "fake" people that think life is a show, the Matrix is real motherfuckers.

Cobo hall Detroit rock fucking city here I come. OK I think I'm catching up finally but I don't want to be here, hahahahahahaha.

Now we all know that I am by far the sickest motherfucker I know, I mean just when I think it cant get any worse, just when I think I may have it under wraps, just when I think its safe for me to go back outside the demon in me wakes, it wakes with a hunger like a bear coming out of hibernation and nothing can fill it. It becomes its own thing a life of its own snowballing out of control until a head on collision, parts everywhere, dust filling the air, all the sound sucked out like a vacuum, me left sitting with a whirlwind happening around me winding down, and then the demon goes back to sleep until its time to wake again.

One thing that I think I enjoy the most in this life in dealing with other people, that they don't have a clue do they? Like people that knew Ted Bundy, the Green River Killer, the BTK killer, I mean like when they were standing in line buying toilet paper and gum do you think the little old lady knew? Or the asshole who thinks he's hard did he know? Like you crazy motherfuckers walk around with the idea, with the thought that monsters do not walk among you. That you can not be hurt, that psychopaths do live next to you. hahahahahahahahahaha

Its once again cold here in the great Northeast, I feel like I am getting my last days in before the August humidity rolls around.

I am so fucking tired I need sleep, hahahahaha, I still really haven't gotten enough. Let me do some work

We got hit with such a storm and cold weather , the fucking streets were and are like ice rinks, you gotta love it, but even for me it was cold and you all know how I love this, as I am dreading the coming summer, the heat, humidity, ugggg.

OK on my way to work this morning I fell, hahahahahahahaha, then I couldn't get up, it was fucking hilarious, I landed on my ass so all is well, I needed that laugh this morning.

I'm still missing the Knot, I will see them in what 3 days and then when I don't know, I really should just say fuck it and take off with them, ahhh to have 15 years back right now I swear, anyway.

Ok I forgot to tell you all something, I finally have received paperwork from out lovely govt releasing me in one of my areas with them, I was beginning to worry for a moment. Ok I have to pee now.

yeah yeah yeah motherfuckers, ok back at work after 3 days of the fucking Knot and it was everything you would think it would be, next stop Detroit, I really need to be able to do this all the time cause I fucking hate it here.

Now the shows were great, I got some great pics from the Philly show, even though they were in big arenas they were far from sold out, which is good news for us Knot fans, I was worried for a moment that were turning into Metalica but the good news is of course they didn't, the sic ass knot that we have come to know and love is still here for now.

The road kicked my ass, hahahahahahhaha, I fucking love it what can I say, yesterday as I layed at home resting a heaviness came over my heart, it could have been because I was back home, could have been that Ivone was back in Germany, it could be allot of things I don't know, I get a little heavy hearted when I have to return to this after a few days on the road. No matter how much I'm hurting its always worth it, the characters you meet along the way, the laughs.

OK here's the funny thing, of course my coworkers think I'm the bad guy right, I'm dark, into the the so called bad things, I don't proclaim my beliefs but they know, so a couple of them are "good" xtians, anyway when ever I'm not here they fuck with my shit, they have no fucking respect for other peoples property, and if I were to fuck there shit up I would be fucked up right, like if I was to leave razor blades in there desk shit like that I would be wrong.. I have come to loath it here and the people I work with, now I understand they don't have a life and when someone does other people tend to get very judgmental and want to live it through me, fuck that it all has a price, no freed rides motherfucker.

Ok so its late in the afternoon, I think its snowing here, no windows so how would I know right. I'm getting exhausted now and I have to do some shit tonight.

Have I said lately how much I hate this fucking job, how much I hate my co-workers, how much I hate? Well you know I do.

Ivone from Germany is here, on our way to Slipknot, yeah yeah yeah, this could really be the beginning of the end for the Knot we know and love, they could be going the way of Metalica as we speak, hahahahaha.

Yesterday marks the 10th year anniversary of Yahoo, can you imagine that the net as we know it and use it is only 10 fucking years old, so hard to imagine isn't it.

Now in today's news, this is bad news for us kiddies The house o.k.'s a faith based employment bill, so what that means is if it passes and the wonderful man who runs our country has said he will try to issue a executive order if congress doesn't pass the bill. A FAITH BASED EMPLOYMENT BILL, SO IF YOU AREN'T BOWING TO THE FAGGOT CHRIST YOU WILL NOT GET A JOB, I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE IT, WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING, WRITE YOUR CONGRESS PERSON TODAY. WHAT THE FUCK IS OUR CONSTITUTION, HOW THE FUCK CAN THEY EVEN CONSIDER THIS? DO I FELL STRONGLY ABOUT THIS? WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP, WHAT WILL YOU DO TO PROTECT FREEDOM?

Ok the supreme court ruled yesterday that putting juveniles to death was unconstitutional, as it turns out, this I didn't know, we were the only country in the world to sanction juvenile executions,. 16 years ago the supreme court said it was ok to put juveniles to death. But wait it gets better.

Since 1990 the only other countries who have executed juveniles are Iran, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Nigeria, the Democratic Republic of Congo and China, we are in very excellent company, see this though is the reason that the rest of the world hates us. We say they are barbaric but look at us.

So I have to say this, now you know I don't care what you are, gay, lesbian, bi sexual, straight, goat fucker, I mean I really don't care, but if your a bull dyke lesbian and you start shit like your a man with a man and you get your ass kicked shut the fuck up, that's all I'm saying.

I was out of it this weekend, my office at home is cleaned up, finished up last night.

I'm listening to Head from Korn, his testimony to his church you can find it here http://www.headtochrist.com/ a new Jesus freak into the fold, hahahahah. How many of you will follow head , I'm sure there will now be a new breed of xtians, there is a part of his testimony that he is now telling his fans give there life to god, hahahahahahaha.

And if Korn wont fucking say it then Ill say it, if you listen you will know he's felt this way for some time, its ok that collected money from us, he fucking betrayed us, you and me and everyone that followed them and now the fucker wants you to follow him further, I say fuck him and his jesus freak ways

Now have I touched on this, I think the Pope is afraid to die, don't you think he knows he has to answer for the child molesting priests as the vatican sat by and did nothing?

OK I cant get a flight back the same night for Detroit so Im going to have to stay overnight in the motor city

Time is fucking flying isn't it, another month down, March already can you fucking believe it?

My office is once again a mess, I am going through the closet and I cant believe how much junk I was saving, I mean why was I really saving any of that shit? As I was chucking shit in garbage bags there was one or two items that I was thinking maybe I should hold onto. Now that's the fucking reason all that shit is there to begin with. I did come across some interesting things though, a couple of pictures once I get the desk cleared off I will scan em and let you see. From I don't know 15-20 years ago.

Ok one last thing about Korns guitar player, I mean the fucking band is so mainstream and commercial now, that have Kamp Korn at fucking Target, Target, I mean 10 years ago was Target carrying the Korn album? Here is a quote from Head "Welch said he'd become increasingly disenchanted with producing heavy metal music that invokes dark and morbid images." What the fuck is he talking about, ok ok Korns stuff can be perceived as hard right, sure it can and maybe some of that early stuff was hard, but they have long been soft. Don't get me wrong love Korn, haven't really listened to em much lately but love em but that are far from Satan worshiping dark, hahahahahahaha.

Hey hey hey, I just realized cause I'm not really following them to much right now, Korn's guitarists Brian Head Welch is leaving the band because he found Jesus, hahahahaha, I mean what kind of lame ass shit is this, this Jesus come in the middle of the night to suck him off? Anyway all I can say is good luck to him in his new endeavor as he has been brainwashed most likely by some door knocking Jehovah's witness, I wish they would knock on my door sometime soon, I usually get real nasty but its time to invite them in.

Anyway off to Jesus, Brian says he darkness the music portrays has gotten to him, motherfucker are lives are fucking dark, listen to the shit you motherfuckers wrote, that little sick fuck Jon Davis and the shit he has been through, were was Jesus for him? hahahahahaha, were was god when any of it was happening, and don't you fucking dare tell me the bullshit footprints story.

Do you guys get people sending you email about God, I fucking hate it now, can not escape it, I should to do a Manson and scratch a pentagram in my forehead hahahahahaha.

hahahahahahahaha, ok how stupid can I be, my computer wasn't working because of my zip drive, now I was on the phone with Dell for what 90 minutes and they never suggested it, I thought the hard drive was finished, when I got off the phone with them I disconnected the zip drive and wella it worked.

Ok 5:30 am my phone rings with a strange number, it was Mark using a web site called IP Relay its a hysterical site, it is for the hearing impaired and a live operator will say whatever you type, I mean whatever you type. I have to put some of Marks voice mails on here for you to enjoy.

8 fucking days motherfuckers, am I getting excited? What do you think. I need to get my plane ticket for Detroit. Once again I have left messages on sites for help when I get to Detroit, once again no one has answered.

I have started the pedophile chats, we will get someone on video tape that's for sure.

My fucking computer at home has had a horrible crash, I was installing a update and now the fuckign thing wont boot.

As I was trying to boot my machine, or waiting for it to boot I started to attack my closet in my office at home, its about time, it has become one of those junk closets just throwing shit in it, as I started cleaning it Im wondering why am I keeping this? Why am I keeping that? Its really amazing the shit I keep, so I started chucking it saying to myself look your never going to use it get fucking rid of it.

So if I drop off the radar I will live in the woods like the Una Bomber, hahahahahahaha, grown my hair long and matted, I can be like the local scary story parents tell there kids. Who am I kidding I like hot showers way to much.

The full moon, I will attempt something this evening, I will see how it goes, I need a couple of things so I am off today on a mission.

Where would I even begin I wonder. Its to fucking long and to fucking heavy to get into, why cant it all just be simple?

10 fucking days maggots. You can feel it in the air, the electricity, the doom, the wave of destruction that starts to build in the front row, the frenzy, the sweat, the spit

Went to a wake this evening, parts of it were very touching, parts very weird as I stayed for the service.

OK the IM section has a new Nigerian princess giving up her love for me, I knew I saw her pics before so I went looking and even after all the profiles I showed her she still cant admit she's a scammer.

Did my laundry last night, when I got home I ate something and I feel asleep the earliest I think I have in years, I was out at 930, I woke up at like 1230 and couldn't believe it, crawled to bed and went back to sleep,.

The Matrix is real motherfuckers and its time you wake the fuck up to it, oh I know its to far fetched for most to believe, the govt isn't trying to control you right. How many in the population do you think are on Prozac? Or other forms of mind control? You don't think TV is a form of mind control? Look at American Idol for christs sake, this is all mind control, no thinking no speaking, get fat sitting in front of the TV watching commercials for re-growing your hair, viagra, mood altering drugs, diet loss, I mean what the fuck is wrong with everyone.

How I long to be back in Prague, sitting near the Charles bridge sipping some coffee, freezing my balls off, hahahahahha.

I finally got back into my Yahoo account, no fucking help from Yahell at all, I fucking hate them.

Well if it was you that hacked me hope you had your fun, its over hahahahahahahaha, it was probably the Nigerian cunts, oh well fuck them were still going to have our fun aren't we.

Why hasn't Michael Jackson left the country yet, he can go hang with Roman Polanski cant he?

I have been looking at some footage of Looking for Kevin, I have to say that the mess with my partner and the last several months has been such a disappointment, all the momentum we were gaining, it has left such a taste in my mouth like in so many ways the whole life of it has been drained from me, I think in part because now I'm alone with it, the fucking cocksucker, you know, see that's what fucking drugs to people.

Maybe because it was about this time last year we started and back then I had visions of a completed project by now, delays delays delays, also the way he fucking played me, played everyone that knew him and I don't know if I have expressed to myself just how angry he made me. I don't think I mentioned that he showed up the other night with some more elaborate stories and needing a place to stay for the night, I didn't let him just the bullshit has gotten to me and of course the drama of he's going to disappear but he's not using drugs or anything. So here I am left with a bunch of film in the can, missing equipment, half story lines, people interested in the work and a partner that decided crack was more important than himself.

Ok where do I go from here? I start over, I do what I have, try to get some other people involved and get fucking serious about it all, find the motivation again, maybe I need to go walk some abandoned buildings to get it back together.

Now maggots 15 motherfucking days till the war starts, can you feel it, can you sense it in the air, there are madmen on the loose and legions of hardcore warriors ready to eat your young, mayhem and chaos will prevail, there is a sense of it in the air, who will survive this latest invasion, are the church people ready to protest? Here come the sic 9 from Des Moines ready to trample and spit out anything and anyone that stands in our way. Make sure your there, I have to get my plane ticket for Detroit. I haven't made up my mind yet if Im going to Atlanta and through Florida but I know this, in 15 days it all kicks off in Hartford and the weekend to follow will be one of madness, travel, sleep deprivation, sweat, blood, aches and pains and most of all, the ear splitting feeling that only a live show can give me, the drums deep into my spinal cord as my body reverberates from the bass and I feel the earth shake underneath me, in other words kiddies, FUCKING SLIPKNOT IS COMING TO TOWN.

My fucking yahoo ID has been hacked and fucking yahoo isn't there yet can you fucking believe that?

Have you ever read the songs of Solomon? If you haven't check it out. See I don't believe all this Christian god bullshit, I don't believe the way they portray it, I think its the exact opposite of what they say, hahahahaha.

Now I don't talk about politics to much here, why cause it doesn't matter the Matrix is real and Dem or Rep doesn't matter they want to both fuck us.

So this cunt Hilary Clinton, can you tell I don't like her? Ok this cunt will be making a run at the White House in 2008 and she thinks she has a chance, funny isn't it.

Ok why don't I like her, for one she is a carpet bagger but I didn't like her long before that, lets start with way back when bubbah was gov of Arkansas, she was behind the white water scandal, she defrauded the govt and fucked over savings and loans banks, she took money and there was proof and that was that, lok it up on the net and you'll see, or go to one of the conspiracy sites in the link section.

Two, do you know she was a intern for the prosecution when Nixon was impeached? and her high fluting Democratic love the people ass was in Washington screaming how Nixon was fucked up? And Bill wasn't? Seems to me when the shoe is on the other foot then she is crying about it, fuck her.

Third, hers a cunt with that smart smug look on her face that says she knows what's best for you and I never being you and I. The religions right will squash her, this is the one time I like the religious right.

Ok so why am I bashing Hillary, well my ID is still locked and what the fuck why not I can do what I want to.

Cobains birthday, or what would have been his birthday is coming up, as I have mentioned before in some rants somewhere, him and I were the same age, me being a couple of weeks older, my generation, his generation, I think we were the first ones to feel it, well anyway its his Bday coming up in a few days.

So defrocked priest Paul Shanely is being sentenced today, now poetic justice is him getting raped daily by the biggest motherfuckers in the system, maybe they will get to him and slit his fucking throat.

St Valentines Day, now I was curious today maybe because it fell on my favorite day of the week Monday to do a little research, well we of course know, or should anyway of the St Valentines Day Massacre there does seem to be conflicting information I have found regarding the where it came from, bottom line its a sappy fucking holiday.

All right, I have to admit that I was back and forth from the Grammy's last night, I was actually looking to see this Grammy crasher that supports himself on Howard Stern but to no avail, and I cant find out if he was stopped or not, anyway IM watching this shit, now wait there was some hardcore nominated this year in case you didn't know, let me get it right ok, in the Best Hard rock Performance category there was in case you didn't know, Incubus, Nickleback, Velevet Revolver and of course the only one that should be in there, SLIPKNOT, Velvet Revolver won, now when they say performance do they mean live show? If so can I ask you maggots a question, like em or not who and I mean who can top a performance by Slipknot? I mean there were plenty more but at least the men in the masks got to walk the carpet, that I did see.

OK Best Metal performance, Motorhead, Slipknot, Hatebreed, Killswicth Engage and Cradle of Filth, winner Motorhead.

Well my birth sign month is coming to a close oh well. I was somewhere once on this day, it was a great place, I think about that place often.

I was close to bagging it this morning you have no idea and I should have, now I think I have mentioned before my office, these offices have no windows, there is no ventilation, now normally its a fucking sauna in here but today I come in and there are cleaning outside my office with Ammonia, I should have fucking stayed home.

The newest Nigerian scammer will be posted here soon enough, this one took all of 2 days to fall in love with me.

I saw my partner last night, I had to turn him away, I don't know what is going on with him but I cant have anything to do with it.

I'm an Aquarius, we are a strange people, let me tell you something, we don't make intimate friends easily but when we let you in your in, go to any lengths to help you, when your out your out, a complete write off, my partner is close to becoming a complete write off.

My mood of late is one of agitation, I can say that the anarchy of my youth is creeping back in, I miss it, can I drop off the radar again? The youth is wasted on the youth. Its time to make the changes I need to make, slowly they are being made, nothing is ever quick enough for me in this area, is it ever quick enough for anyone? The coming spring brings with it feelings of the need for change, I have resisted the change over the years as this time draws near, the demon is awake in me now and there is no turning back.

A friend of ours lost there dog this week, my sympathies are with them, its tough loosing a pet and those that don't understand don't understand.

It reminded me of when I lost my mischief, laugh motherfucker and see what happens, I still miss her, now my other 2 beasts have of course inched there way more and more into my heart. How is that the psycho can care for these animals and not humans, is there understanding? I swear my big boy looks at me at times like what the fuck dude, but what does he know he's just a stupid cat hahahahahahahaha.

22 days motherfuckers, also 30 days till cobo hall, I need to get my plan ticket don't know what the fuck Im waiting for, I think I'm trying to decide if its a one day thing of if I should stay over, I think a one day would be better, are you fucking maggots ready?

Its raining here today, I have to say the weather here the past couple of days has been exceptional, I could live with the weather we had here the last couple of days all year long, I think that's why Amsterdam has always been an attraction to me and I still haven't ruled it out, I mean when I( was there last back in October I all of a sudden had the need to get the fuck out of there, I think I was this close to staying that's why, now just yesterday I'm sitting here at work, you know the place I love and I was feeling, now get this this is weird, I was feeling homesick for Amsterdam, bizarre right? Now don't get me wrong I have also been homesick for the deep of eastern Europe, I haven't been there in some time though Germany was close its no cigar. Ok so maybe I'm headed out I don't know.

OK so I have to say this, are you as fucking ecstatic as I am that Bill Cosby is a perv? I fucking love it I mean love it. I mean I love it when these high moral motherfuckers fall, is it not the sweetest taste in the world? Judgmental motherfuckers, good for them.

The light angels section has some updates, yes I am finally getting around to it motherfuckers and if you don't like you know SMD.

My hour, this is my favorite time of the day, its the midpoint of the night, the magical hour, what good am I up to at this lovely hour.

Do you ever ask yourself why you keep in touch with certain people, I mean do you ever learn your fucking lesson? The warped sense they have in there brain.

Ok now some time ago I reported my left eye was twitching, now that stopped but then my right eye started twitching and now my fucking ears are starting to ring, if I'm fucking dieing why cant i just get it over with?

Monday Monday Monday, I am half asleep, I think I stayed up till 3 am maybe later, was not my intention, got off the computer I think about 130, went to smoke the days last cigarette and the Road Warrior was on, had to watch it to the end.

The makers of Defunkt hope to have there current issue out by April mid May, you can pre preorder here

I need a vacation, hahahahahaha, I need to sleep I think for a few days, no phone nothing.

Midnight, hahahahahahahahahaha, midnight in the world of me, I could live everyday at midnight.

So I enter into another year of existence, what will this year bring me I wonder.

Am I a sadist? With out a doubt. There is also the masochist in me, I seem to enjoy the more deep painful things, mental, emotional, spiritual pain that doesn't heal so easily, if you took away my hate would I live? Do you truly understand the psycho in me? I know its hard to imagine we walk the earth, hahahahahahaha, I was talking with someone the other day about this, they had a read a article about us, I think the line at the end of the article was "whose the devil living next to you" hahahahahahaha, I am the devil, we are the devil, for one this is the word society uses to best describe people like me, its a good word I'm not complaining.

Anyway what I find interesting is the refusal on your part to accept that we walk the earth, is it so hard to imagine that lurking in the shadows, living next door to you, in the cubicle behind you at work, in the line at the supermarket, waiting for a latte from starbucks, sitting on the train, that nice man that held the door open for you, lying in bed next to we are there, the psychopath, hahahahahahahahahaha. I can understand this refusal, you want to make sense of it all don't you, little Johnnie didn't get to play with the other kids growing up, he wasn't nurtured, his sensitive side wasn't developed. One day someone is going to make you feel, hahahahahahahaha, wrong wrong wrong, we are what we are, accept what we are, we are uncaring, unfeeling, non affected, it isn't an act, we are incapable of these emotions, you can not make us feel these emotions, so the same way we must accept you you must accept us.

Have I told you that once again my place has become a storage area? Now I don't mind helping a friend out but because I have a huge apartment its like I don't use all my space. I use every inch of it, anyway my cats are having a ball as they have more to play with explore and fuck up.

Hey, ok its Monday, today is my bday and I haven't written in a while so fuck you all, hahahahahahha.

What's been new, I haven't been able to spend much time here, its all out of control that's all I know, 32 days the American invasion begins again, you going to be there? So far I will be in Hartford, Philly, NJ, Detroit, plans to Atlanta and maybe on to Florida.

I have many Nigerian scams to get to, also I had a great suggestion from one of you who was inspired by the pervert chat, we may be running some contests for catching the perv, also I was thinking to start setting up meets with the pervs and catch them on video.

This week I also have to get serious about putting together a piece for the film and stop fucking around, I have been neglecting some things on the home front and have to get it together.

Check out the new IM chat area, I am now posting some of the email exchanges with other 419 scammers, the goal is to one get money from them and 2 get them to admit they are scammers.

Now I was watching something yesterday, oh yes I feel asleep and when I woke the news was on, I'm not sure if it was entertainment news or what, OK does the world really give a fuck that Brad Pit and Jennifer Aston broke up? I mean are there really pathetic people out there watching this thing? Here in NYC I did see on the cover of the Daily News this was the bog cover, are people really this fucking pathetic? Now look I know I get crazy, answering 419 emails, posing as a 13 year old girl to chat with perverts, I mean I know I can do shit that's monotonous and pitiful, but are you to tell me that there are people in the world, and many of them at that that give a fuck about this kind of shit? Its over for us, the world will be imploding soon.

Great news Looking for Kevin fans, I had a great conversation with someone yesterday who may be able to help me, I have to get to work and do some raw editing for them and get a short piece off to them, also my partner is supposed to be ok now, I will see him later today, or I'm supposed to anyway but that's neither here nor there, the good news is my conversation, as more develops I will of course keep you informed, I will also start posting some small clips from our footage and hopefully I will be out there soon enough to start getting some more footage.

Yeah yeah yeah, today is Jimmy Pages Birthday, now this is significant for me in the sense that long ago when I was a young punk on dope myself and my friends worshipped him and we would go deep into the woods on this night, light fires drink beers till the dawn and listen to Zep all night long, so many years ago wow.

Strange things are happening to me inside, what they are and mean I'm not sure, let me ask you when are strange things no happening inside me, hahahahahahahaha, the mind of the sociopath is a difficult one to live in, those that know me may not have been completely aware this is the thing that I am, its ok to be a psychopath, threes nothing wrong with it, don't discriminate, the pros will tell you to run for your life when you realize there is one of us in your life, maybe you should I don't know, I do know that there are times that I make extremely difficult for those around me, isolation is the medicine of the lunatic.

OK can you believe it, I have another Nigerian women who loves me after a few moments chat, wants to marry me and have me take care of her and her mum. What luck do I have, is my picture posted someone in Nigeria? I am a Nigerian chick magnet. The text from these initial conversations coming later, I can say they are learning and getting better at it, well anything is better than than the last one.

Sort of a small Ice storm or something like it is going on here, finally some nasty winter weather. I stepped out of work yesterday, It was sort of snowing, cold, dark skies, I smelled a wood fire, there is nothing better on a cold day than to smell a wood fire, it made me miss the deep of Eastern Europe in such a way, I was ready to chuck it all and relocate yesterday, much work to do here still before I go.

Ok someone, a filmmaker is interested in my project, I can say that my partner should be back in the world on Friday, lets see how long he stays with us now.

My cold has gotten somewhat better, my throat is killing me, maybe I'm finally dying I don't know, I could only be so fucking lucky.

Well I cant die yet, I have to hold out till at least the End of March, do you know Slipknot is coming soon to a city near you? And I will be right behind them.

Have my tickets for Philly and Detroit already, I'm working on Hartford and NJ is sold out already. Other cities I'm looking at are Atlanta, Pensacola, West Palm and maybe who the fuck knows Maybe Tampa, I think Atlanta is a certainty, Atlanta is a Saturday so even if I don't go on to FLA I can shuttle it to Atlanta and then back here Sunday no problem. If I go on to West Palm Ill hang in Daytona or something right after that, maybe cruise to the Bahamas, yes I know, the winter motherfucker I am, the Polar bear I am in the Caribbean, what can you do.

Did I tell you this was the greatest month of the year? The countdown is on, its almost here, my favorite day of the year is coming up.

Oh by the way some new sick pics in the sic section, lots of animal sex, you know how we love animal sex here.

I am also hopping my German friend make it here for the Knot, the countdown to war is on us.

As I write this my second Nigerian women who has fallen in love with me in less than a month is IM'ing me as we speak.

OK I had recently gotten these portable alarms and I set a couple up in my house you know so I hear when the Men In Black come in to mess with the chip installed in me, anyway about 2:30 AM the fucking thing went off last night, I jump up out of bed grab a weapon and think finally I've got them, the fucking adhesive gave way and the alarm moved, hahahahahhahahahahahahah, so I was up to like 5 after that I think.

I have the fucking AC on here in my house., they are cranking the fucking heat and I cant take it.

Ok so one of the other Nigerian babes has asked me for money, is it any surprise, here's the text

I really need a fucking maid in here, ok love the MP3 player, should have done this long ago, I winded up going with the Del jukebox in case I didn't mention it before, I have so much more music to put in it but its cool.

Been sick again, I have been fighting this fucking cold since thanksgiving, trying the stuff Airborne and its ok, feeling better today but still so so, I'm going to sleep now

What is A Psychopath?