Whats new in Extreme Disorder

So in the news today is Iran being yelled at for saying the holocaust wasn't real, now want I want to know is why cant they say that, and we of course, our great land of supposed free speech is the leader of the pack, is it again any wonder why the rest of the world hates us

OK so the most entertaining thing in the world these days is the Saddam trial, more and more I'm liking this guy, I mean all he needed was some direction and be introduced to the world of BDSM, see what BDSM can do for you, it would leave people Saddam with a outlet but instead he became dictator, I still think he will come to power again but we will see, and maybe just maybe I am rooting for him to do so.

Now here's a question I know I have posed before, if you kill a idiot and no one is around to notice is the idiot missed?

The end of the year is on us, only 3 people in my pool have died, now normally this would have been a good year but another player in my class has 5, I have to start preparing my list for next year.

OK I'm practicing my guitar, I think I'm getting it hahahahahahahaha, next is drums or a Bass but before then I am practicing, I think I have the Star Spangled Banner down almost, and The End, I need more coffee.

Well its December isn't it, I didn't realize so many days have gone by, what's up.

I Am Hated
The whole world is my enemy - and I'm a walking target
Two times the devil with all the significance
Dragged and raped for the love of a mob
I can't stay - because I can't be stopped
Eat motherfuckers alive who cross us
I know you're all tired of the same ol' bosses
Let me tell you how it's gonna be
I'm gonna kill anyone who steps up in front of me

Welcome to the same ol' fucking scam
Same ol' shit in a dead fad

Everybody wants to be so hard
Are you real or a second rate sports card?
They all lost their dad or their wife just died
They never got to go outside - SHUT UP
Nobody gives a fuck
it doesn't change the fact that you suck

(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
My life was always shit
And I don't think I need this anymore

Now I'm not pretty and I'm not cool
But I'm fat and I'm ugly and proud - so fuck you
Standing out is the new pretension
Sreamline the (sic)ness, half-assed aggression
You gotta see it to believe it, we all got conned
All the mediocre sacred cows we spawned
Put your trust in the mission
We will not repent - this is our religion

(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But waht's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
My life was always shit
And I don't think I need this anymore

I AM HATED
YOU ARE HATED
WE ARE HATED

Everything sucks and I can prove it
Everybody dies, shuffle on, remove it
Idividuals, indispensable
I'm the paradox deity vessel
...the other side holds no secret
But this side is done, I don't need it
Before you go, you should know you're breaking down
You'll be rotten by the time you're underground

(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
My life was always shit
And I don't think I need this anymore

(We Are) The source of conscience
(We Are) Distorted sentients
There's only one thing left
And I can't leave until it's sated
(We Are) The absolute
(We Are) Controlling you
They're closing in, I can't escape
I AM HATED

Well they've snuck up on me, I've been doing a good job ignoring them but there here, the dreaded holidays, this is going to be a bad year for me, I can already feel it, I already have the thoughts and feelings to end it all, the underlying doom that grows inside me with each passing day, are the answers right in front of me?

When you find something in your life that is perfect grab it, don't let go, chain it the fuck up so it doesn't get away.

Ever see that movie Office Space? I'm the one computer dude, I should start coming in in shorts and shit.

so the controller just comes to me and says we have to have a "chat" don't these stupid fucks realize that Im this close

There are times in my life when, like this moment right now where I can slit throats, why do I believe in certain things, why do I ignore what is in front of me, for all I know and can see at times I choose to turn a blind eye to the truth, it is these moments that I wonder why I exists in a world that I don't understand or care to understand, and me the fucking idiot will fall for it again, this is what also makes me the madman I am at times, I'm sitting here cooped up and maybe that's what makes it worse I don't know I should be doing something constructive but for what, why nothing makes any sense to me at this point in time.

There are many things I leave out here, can I leave you with something, trust your instinct, listen to the voice that lives in us, its never wrong

I don't feel well, my eyes are leaking, leaking, why cant I just fucking die already, IM hurting, I can hardly keep my eyes open, it looks like I've been smoking and drinking all night, hahahahahahah

Here's the thing, something has happened, no something didn't happen, I am me that's what happened, anyhow if any of you find your way here my suggestion is to keep your fucking distance, if your wondering if that's meant for you chances are it is

Exhausted, I mean exhausted, got back in the city about 2am last night, hauled ass from Philly, I technically left south Jersey at 1am, should I head to A.C. ? who wants to go? I'm wrecked. I'm going to sleep here soon, hahahahahaha, there fucking lucky I'm here that's all there is to it.

Well the show last night was not one of the better ones I have seen, I mean allot has happened, it wasn't as tight as it should be, Jim Root wasn't there, broke his wrist. Maybe it was because I knew this is probably the last time, at least for a long time that I would see them, ok who's next, Slayer, Slayer, Slayer.

Headed to Philly tonight like a lunatic, hahahahahahahahaha, back at this fucking place I hate, plan is in action to leave here sooner than expected.

hahahahaha, I'm still here, ok November 8th in Philly, I'm crazy, I cant stay but this might be the only chance for me to see them.

I've made my bed, I'm lying in it, I swear I feel so fucking pitiful these days, I'm sitting here in my studio alone right now, a model is supposed to be here, new model at 7pm, these flaky fucking cunts, I'm sitting here eating white castle, watching the west wing and its fucking Halloween, I'm here alone by myself like I usually am, I feel so fucked up, I would much rather be in Amsterdam doing nothing, fuck man I don't know if I have ever felt this sorry for myself.

Ok good news kiddies, I found who owns the land I'm looking at, one is affordable and one isn't.

What the fuck have I done? I'm there I want to be here, I'm here I want to be there.

Holy shit I just called the model that was supposed to be here and she's like oh yeah I forget to call you, what the fuck, does anyone know how to pick up the fucking phone and fucking say hey I'm not going to make it later, well that's it she wont work for me now, I'm getting more and more agitated, not like I had any fucking place to go anyway.

If all of sudden there are no more updates, and I don't mean a few days or couple of weeks, I mean like a month goes by you know what happened.

What did I do today, oh yeah I went to the cemetery and found a grave I was looking for and gave me more mystery, my mothers mother, she's buried with a slew of people I have no fucking clue who they are, one of them a 20 chicky that died in 1994, who the fuck am I? Right now I fucking hate my life.

Ok so really my mood is so fucking vile, I mean really nasty, I am in need of something and I'm getting nothing. Maybe I should head back to Jersey. I have a appointment

Instead I'm in the studio, signed up a new model today, lovely older Russian women

OK now here's some pics of the hopefully soon to be Extreme Disorder Strip Clubs

Ivone is not coming, I don't blame here, though I got some much needed rest down here I feel like I wasted 3 days, and I only live 90 mins from here, my whole week is fucked up as of right now, need to regroup and make a new plan.

This is starting out to be the worse vacation I have had in a while, I will not give up on the Knot, I will have to do hit and run shows when they come around, Ill be back in Philly Nov 8th that's the reschedule for down here, I just wont stay, get here see the show, go back home, I am a fucking animal hahahahahah.

See I should have stuck with my plan, that's what I get, my original vacation plans were to head to Europe around holiday time, I was there one year around holiday time and I wasn't depressed about the coming holidays, fuck all of you ok, anyway that was the plan, take a extended vacation around holidays and come back after new year, broke the plan, this is what happens when Johnnie breaks the plan.

I did conduct some business when I was down here so it wasn't a total waste, now I write it all off, I may have found the home of Extreme Disorders future strip club, also made some appointments to see some models when I get back to NY, one is a Russian and looking forward to meeting her, you know how I feel about the Eastern Europeans, have no idea what she looks like but maybe she's the spark LBJ needs to get these other flaky bitches in line.

The mood gets worse as the evening goes on, I think I'm going to head to Bristol to look at some pussy, I've made I don't know how many phone calls and surprise no one is answering or there, hahahahahahaha, when you isolate yourself what do you expect I guess, this is how it will end wont it? Anyway what does anyone really give a fuck for, the paranoia is in big time right now, I'm hearing voices outside the door and wondering what they are doing, like I need to get out of this room to see what they are up to.

All shows in NYC cancelled now, motherfucker motherfucker, Ivone just called me to let me know, I didn't even know yet the cancelled the NYC shows, I don't know what she's is going to do, I'm fucking pissed, now I'm fucking pissed, I mean these 2 shows down here being cancelled pissed me off but I understood, I mean I still understand, I took my vacation around this, maybe Ill come back down here next week I don't know, I need to go back to NY tomorrow anyway, I have to meet some models in the afternoon, what can you do know what I mean. I mean the NYC shows aren't a big deal, if they reschedule I can go and go to work the next day no biggie, maybe Ill head to AC tonight, I didn't bring the proper clothes with me for it, or the proper shoes, fuck fuck fuck me, can it get any fucking worse for me here already? Maybe it already has hasn't it.

Ok I really am a rock star, I wonder if real rock stars go through the mental and emotional anguish I do, I guess in some ways I am a real rock star, see I hate saying this shit cause one fucking thing I hate more than anything is vanity and ego, sure I have a ego, I'm a fucking psychopath and with that comes a special ego, and only my fellows inflected with our special gift understand how that ego works, anyway see how I go off on a tirade, my fucking camcorder isn't taking the charge what the fuck, anyway, feeling much better now after I ate and the caffeine headache is going away, forget my coffee pot and used to coffee right away in the morning got that, ok good, anyway my life is so fucking underground and so fucking dark, mysterious, hahahahahaha, who am I? What am I? Where will I be tomorrow? I am cryptic.

Back to the whole rock star thing, I mean I guess for the most part it all seems so attractive, when your in it it isn't, ok so this trip wasn't a total waste, I have thought of opening a strip club down here for the longest and I just went to look at 2 places, well I didn't get in, its fucking hard tracking down the fucking owners, I think they know what I want to do down here, hahahahahahaha, but I got to see, one of them, well both of them are perfect, one of them is better than I originally thought, its a wreck inside but its fucking perfect, I guess if I go through with it I will be back in court, hahahahahahaha, need to find a proper lawyer for this, I hate fucking lawyers but what can you do.

Maybe Ill head into Philly later, what am I talking about, I have to this close and no cheese steak, would be a shame

The 2 shows down here n Philly have been canceled, the Clowns father has passed away, what do I do now? I guess Ill stay down here and relax, I think there's woods nearby don't know, don't want to go back home yet, I guess there is some business I can tend to down here, I cant be upset, the clowns father died, fucking clown has had nothing but bad luck this last year, feel bad for him.

Going to go eat like a pig now, starving, I was fucking searching for a couple of hours last night for strip club row out here and it was right under my nose, hahahahahaha.

I'm here now, there is a loneliness I feel here that happened only one time in my life 6,000 miles from here.

I leave today, I don't know how long I am going to make it here at work today hahahahahahaha

I have mixed feelings as of today, my reasons are clear only to me and do not matter in the scheme of things, well they do matter in my scheme but in the real scheme they don't matter.

I hope to also get some work done while I'm away, bringing my laptop for the first time in a long time with me so I hope to do some writing and work on some other things. I don't know what I will do next week as of yet, maybe go to a spa for a couple of days I don't know, I need a long month long vacation.

IM indifferent is what I really am, thoughts of shotgun blasts to the head are reoccurring. No hope = no fear.

I'm not a man with much regret in this life, I'm a sick fuck that lives in his own psychopathic madness, my world shrinks with each passing day, the paranoia sets in deep, I will be tin foiling the apartment soon enough. Anyway there are things I regret, there are smells I miss, there are things I miss seeing.

Anyway here I go, trouble follows me, I'm sure Ill find some, hahahahahaha, more than not I will be stuck in the hotel room sleeping late, I need some body work badly

This will be the first time in I don't know how long that I'm not leaving the country, oh well.

I got locked in here yesterday, I have keys so no big deal but I got locked in, its the beginning of the end now.

Do the people at my job realize the tight rope I am walking, that the wrong fucking look can get them stepped on? Stupid motherfuckers, oh got here at 1030 today, now really wouldn't you realize I don't give a flying fuck by now.

I'm fucking back, you have no idea, what the fuck was I thinking? It doesn't matter what I was thinking what matters is IM me, I am me, I am what and who I am and can be nothing but what I am.

Just because I am a monster, does that mean I don't get lonely, that I don't crave the scent of something sweet, the my body doesn't need to feel the arms of something soft around it? Of course it does.

I am so fucking stressed and tired, this is the week motherfuckers, here they come, its all coming to a end, what will I do now that it will all be over soon?

Ill be in south jersey Wend, around 8pm I think staying in the Radisson if you have the balls, I think that night Ill head to Bristol, some business in Landisville PA that evening also, or Ill do Saturday before I leave.

My buddy, like the little sister I never had will be here Saturday and stays with me to the 2nd.

Impending doom is headed my way, maybe next week is the week, you will all know why wont you?

I had such revelations early this morning in the pre dawn hours then they slipped my mind, hahahahahah

Most likely getting ready to cross a line of no return, fuck like I haven't already in this like a thousand times.

What the fuck, not feeling well today, coming down with a cold or the bird flu either one.

My house is a wreck, I mean wreck, I haven't cleaned it properly in I don't know how long, and I was making a mistake, trying to clean each room at once, last night I started in the bathroom, sparkling now, I remember long ago, I don't know how long ago many years where it was a wreck like this, it all started with the fucking fire really remember and it really was all your fault, hahahahahahaha, anyway yes and that's how I did it, each day tackled a room and before you know sparkling. tonight maybe my bedroom.

The vileness is entering me now, usually what comes when the numbness leaves. I crave, I crave, I crave, I crave.

Staying in the Radison down south jersey, high speed internet yeah are you ready motherfuckers?

Monday, dreaded fucking Monday, how many more Mondays must I endure, 10 days and counting to the destruction I have been waiting for.

So the rain has stopped, here comes the cold, its still short weather for me people.

At least I finally got some sleep this weekend, I mean I was in the studio most of the weekend but I got some sleep.

Shit, ok now this you will find weird, I am not up on porn at all, not my thing really, I am more of a still pic guy and sic shit really, well you fucking know that already, oh by the way some new stuff in the file section if you haven't seen it already, anyway

I just found out the name of a Porn Star that I think is absolutely lovely, I mean fucking lovely, Breanne, now I had gotten a clip a few months ago of some very cute chick blowing 2 guys, now I know here name, she's from Albania, shit I'm telling you pervs something you already know, no wonder I have such a attraction to her, now listen don't get me wrong, you are all lovely, sexy, beautify women but I think we all know I have a sore spot for Eastern Europeans, see no matter how you say that right, you know what what the fuck is wrong with me, I don't give a fuck take it how you want, I think I was still sleeping I don't know. They are doll like get it motherfuckers. And here's a doll that's a slut got to fucking love it.

Can we fight it? Can we fight the things in us, morally these fucking pukes tell us.

The numbness and pain have returned, is it the change of weather? The seasons change and so does my moods, it truly is one of these days where there is no sense to it all, if I didn't have the knot next week this could be the day, it snot easy being the psycho,

Still raining, got to love it, it can keep fucking raining for all I give a fuck, and when I mean rain I mean its been steady raining, I swear its like that movie day after tomorrow, the sick fuck I am wants a new ice age hell yeah.

Exhausted, I should have banged out but I think I'm going to sleep here soon, hahahaha, was up late in the studio.

I reached out to a old friend yesterday, I mean old, going way way way back, I'm reaching into the deep past my friends, were talking 20 year old so watch the fuck out, well I doubt the cocksuckers that need to watch out are reading this but you are aren't you?

Did I say exhausted, I need body work, I need a maid, I need something I swear, I think I need a smoking blow job that's probably what I really need. Don't we all need that? Now I didn't fault Clinton for getting a blow job, I could give a good fuck, no but the religious fuckers, hey let me ask, you something, so chances are the pope went his whole life without ever getting a blow job, I mean don't you think if he knew what he was missing he would have wanted one? And those muslin militant bombing motherfuckers, I mean if they knew how good a warm wet mouth was would they be so quick to end it all? For that matter any uptight religious fuck, I mean would they be so quick to loose there fucking mind were they getting regular blow jobs? I think we should declare a month, you know like we have all these fucking months for celebration, I mean January could be like blow job month, and then every Wednesday, because its hump day, I think it should be blow job day, I mean that's what I think but what do I know, I'm just a dumb kid from the Bronx trying to get by in this crazy fucked up world.

Ok raining here, I mean raining and hasn't stopped yet, love it, I fucking love it, we have almost a foot of rain since Saturday, I fucking love it, the world is coming to an end and that's that.

My boy is not better and I'm getting nervous, yeah yeah yeah I know, the sick fuck I am, the twisted demented whack job that is me is being torn apart by my little man Chaos and his urinary tract infection, that sounds so fucking gay talking about it doesn't it, I mean I could be sitting here plotting revenge and torture on someone, talking about skinning them alive but this little creatures urinary tract is bothering me, I really hope he's going to be all right, I had to take him in again yesterday, I need to change his diet and he's not going to be happy about that that's all I know. I really don't belong amongst the normal people. How soon before I bail?

Unpredictable that's all I really know about me, if I were to sum up myself with one word it would be that.

I don't think my IM is working properly so if you send me a message and I don't get back to you chances are I didn't get it so send again, I haven't been on with much regularity these days as when I'm here I'm busy watching my girls work and placing ads and blah blah blah. At least I'm writing here with my consistence and I'm getting ready to start writing my books again, I have not, I repeat I have not abandoned my film, I will be doing more filming also as I'm working it all out.

Its not like Psychos don't love, we do, we love ourselves, hahahahahahaha, no seriously, we feel something, is it like you? Are Bdays and holidays, do they have any meaning for us? No they don't, why you may ask, well for one we don't feel that way, sentimental? You must be fucking kidding me, I mean we live in the moment, of course we are calculating, so here's a little secret, do we know everything we do? Fuck yeah, now of course you will misconstrued that, no I mean this, lets say I want to pull your strings, lets say I have something in mind for you, I mean sheer brutality is different, the only calculation there is it doesn't get connected to me and that everything is cleaned up. No I am more talking about the needful things sort of manipulation, I am the spider weaving a web, then its to late isn't it? I really should just put a fucking bullet in my head shouldn't I?

Looking for places to stay in south jersey, I need a internet connection, ok think I found one, not the usual place I stay down there but its ok, I mean here you cant miss me, hahahahahaha,

Yeah yeah yeah motherfuckers, counting down the time now, need to put in for vacation here, I should just not show up, hahahahaha.

The sickness that lives in my brain is insurmountable, as I interact with "normal" humans more and more I realize that I should be living in a hole as I do much better being a hermit, the oddity is that, well there are many fucking oddities in my life, I mean camon my whole fucking life is a oddity, I should have been a carnie or something like that, what kid doesn't want to run away and join the fucking circus. Maybe I need to go east, far east as it seems the cultures there fit my pretty well, ahhh maybe the east will come to me, hahahahahaha, I'm a fucking madman on the loose that's all I know.

My ventures as of late have brought me back, makes me wonder why I ever left, I mean I know why I left, don't we all wish we could know what we know now then? It doesn't matter because its now that I'm in, so yes I'm back, I mean I'm back, and that only means something to people that knew me many many moons ago. Friends that know me now say they don't know me, friends that knew me then know me, to borrow some lyrics from Slayer

The John ride has begun, those on the ride with me just move with me, just keep moving, get behind and run cause were running, what's the old childhood nursery rhyme, round and round she goes, where she stops no one knows, hahahahahaha.

So I did decide to go down to AC over the weekend, well just Saturday really in all the fucking rain we had here, now if there was ever a breeding ground and perfect trolling area this is it, hahahahah.

Big week for us in web cam land, have some new girls starting today and interviewing so far 3 new girls today, got to love this fucking job

Well well well kiddies, I finally got my license today, yes I've been driving all this time without one.

My boy the big fat cat Chaos is ok, for now anyway, no drastic measures of cutting off his penis.

Slipknot added the 2nd day to the Electric Factory show, I'm fucking ecstatic, so race fans I will definitely be down south jersey way from 10/26 to 10/29, find me hahahahahahaha.

Studio is coming along nicely, web site is getting there, will drop a link when its up. Got some really cute girls starting next week, I don't know why I haven't been this kind of shit my whole life. I was born for this, now I just need to get fired from here, what can I do, I mean I don't want to go to the extremes yet but its coming, I really don't give a fuck and walk around like I don't so its no big deal,

So I heard, now one of you has to verify this for me, that Rome has now said that the bible is not all true, you have to love these fucking catholic, but the virgin marry is true, well she is a miracle cause she's the only women known to man to get pregnant by getting fucked in the ass. WHAT, WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS WHAT.

I've been listening to Ron and Fez, never did before but I got the satellite in the car so I've been listening to them and Opie and Anthony, both shows kick Howard ass, anyway, so Ron and Fez are talking about this whole Rome changing the rules thing and I had to get in on it H.S. but they hung up on me when I mentioned god was a midget, hahahahaha.

Its a great day, raining, forecast has rain for the next 5 days, this reminds me of Amsterdam, hahahahaha.

I never got away last weekend, interviews at the web cam studio, gotta love this job. Maybe this weekend

All I'm saying about this whole thing is I'm back, I don't know why I ever left, well I know why but I wont get into it.

IM not sure if I'm numb or not, I mean I haven't had time to feel numb, I guess in the quiet moments I do, I have such hatred for this day job its not even funny, I cant stand anyone I work with. I work with complete idiots for the most part and the pettiness has grown and grown, great example, the owner of the company brings me his at home ink jet color printer because its not printing, I gave up and told him to get a new one, he's a fucking millionaire and the motherfucker was like, maybe it can be fixed in a repair shop, a cheap ink jet printer, this is the pettiness I am talking about.

I haven't had time to watch the news nothing and could really give a flying fuck about what's going on in the world today.

I may try to get away this weekend, none the less Slipknot is coming and Ill be down Cherry Hill soon enough, looking forward to the knot, getting excited, here they fucking come kiddies and it could very well be the last time we see them so run out and get your tickets if you haven't already.

I've come to realize how isolated I really am, the traits in me that are frightening, how can I ever establish anything with anyone, hahahahahahaha, ok I was trolling in the city Saturday night, I'm looking at all the lovely people, the nausea, realizing how far away from them I really am, where are my people, I could be a tunnel person easy trust me.

The year is coming to a close, the snow and bitter cold will be here soon, happy day, I am steps closer to where I want to be, some things I didn't accomplish and others I did without even realizing it, I am a fucking lunatic.

Who in there right mind when they realize the devil that lives in me would want to be next to me?

It's like nothing I can do can get me fired from this fucking job, motherfuckers.

Ok so much to catch up on, my big boy is sick again, so I get up so late yesterday, I stumble to the bathroom call in to here and tell them I'm on my way, I mean what the fuck are there really going to do here, I have taken to 3 hour lunches, I mean all kinds of shit, they have I think just given up, I'm going to start pushing the envelope here.

Anyway I see my boy go into the litter box 3 fucking times while I'm in the bathroom and nothings coming out, ok so I was going to have to leave here yesterday at 2PM to interview some new girls, ok gotta love that job, went to sleep there yesterday and woke up to one of the models screaming in ecstasy, gotta love it, anyway so I call in and say I'm coming in for a hour and leaving, hahahahahaha, then I just left, why why why cant someone say something to me here, anyway.

So at the vet the Dr is telling me in drastic cases they can cut the penis off, I'm like how the fuck does he pee, he says, we make a vagina, I was like get the fuck out of here, you mean a TG cat, and he was like up, now I wonder if he would also go through a identity crises, I mean he's already used to squatting to pee so that would be nothing new.

I'm a Psycho, I mean to trust me is to be a stupid motherfucker, I make no qualms about it, some people will be very surprised about what I have done lately, none of you cause you all know what I am capable of, hahahahahaha.

I need a day spa, I feel the time is coming where relocation is inevitable, a new identity is possibly in order also, I feel one of my turns coming on.

The vileness that lurks in me is spewing venom in ways I have thought have long left me, its amazing how quickly it all comes back, maybe I should start drinking again, hahahahahahaha, just kidding, I'm much happier with the current sickness

If you see on the news today worker goes on killing rampage in Mt Vernon its me.

Monday fucking morning, its cloudy that's the only good thing that's going on here, I can smell the change in the air.

I am so fucking stressed out but what can you do, I need to go and wreck something I think, or maybe a nice long walk in the woods, I haven't visited my mischief in a while. Maybe its time to start drinking again, hahahahahahaha.

The fall is here, the air is changing, its getting darker earlier, the bite is back, I've entered into the sex business, hahahahaha, I need to get down south jersey,

OK another hurricane is headed there way, now camon there are those of us that love this isn't there, I cant be the only one, I mean look I don't want to see people get fucked up, well fuck yeah I do who am I kidding, I mean chances are so do you if your here, there are some of us that want to see destruction, madness, chaos, rape, torture, murder and let us not forget mayhem, and some of us still like to call retards retards, and really if you have a fucking problem with that suck my fucking dick.

Ok I love this web cam business, I mean this is the kind of shit I was meant to do, have a business were chicks are walking around naked making me some money, got to fucking love it.

OK fuck you all that's all I'm really saying and if you don't like it, wait I shouldn't be so insensitive, I should really care about your feelings shouldn't I? Well you know how I feel by now, suck my fucking dick.

Now there is a new hurricane headed into N.O. and the fucking mayor is sending people back in, now this is what I love, no really I do and you all know you do also, and the stupid fucks that go back in and get more fucked up, well fuck them they fucking deserve it at this point if they don't get the fuck out of there.

So I made it to THE PAULINSKILL VIADUCT that is mentioned in Weird NJ, Now by the time I found it sun was going down so I didn't get as much time as I wanted in there, I will go back, it was worth it but is it the huge thing you think it is, I don't know Ill leave that up you should you decide to go.

My Children I have neglected you, I'm so sorry, yeah right. I have been so fucking busy working fucking 16-17 hour days, I come here for 8 hours and then head to the studio, I have been neglecting my cats, my place is a wreck, there is no hope in sight for me, hahahahahahaha, I need to hire a cleaning lady.

I haven't even been updating the slut of the day for us, I know I know my sickness is slipping, and I have so many fucking updates to put in here.

Ok the web cam business is going well, the girls are flakes, hahahahaha, good practice for when I open the strip club, a couple of set backs but that's to be expected, spending more money than I wanted but what can you do.

I don't even know what the fuck is going on in the world, has another American city fallen yet? I swear this is the end of times we just don't know it yet. All I do know is Slipknot is coming soon, yeah yeah yeah. And its a steady 60 in Amsterdam, what more could I want in this life, I have to move to Amsterdam, I think in a way I have brought a little Amsterdam with me to the studio.

How can I even start this off, New Orleans is gone, I mean gone. Now you know me, I'm not on this pro war, against war soapbox, but the fucking money we are spending in Iraq has crippled us, gas prices going through the roof, a major American city looks like a fucking town in Africa for petes sake,

I know its been a week, well I'm a little rested, my place is a wreck, I mean a wreck, today is big clean day at home.

So I've been busy the last few weeks, for the most part its done, myself along with my 2 partners have opened a physical web cam studio, you can find our girls here Adult Web Cam World, that is not my site, nor does that site have anything to do with Extreme Disorder, simply I have girls working on that site.

Well well well my kiddies, ok I didn't get to Hellfest, I did do my laundry, well I paid to have it done, hahahahahahaha,. was working on my new venture, went operational last week, need to make some changes and tweak it a little, when its complete 100% I will show you.

Exhausted, I mean wiped, I should have gotten into this business long ago, hahahahahahahaha, no I'm still not ready to tell you all, we went live though in our location and I have to say it was a great first night, I mean its still needs work but were getting there.

Hellfest is this weekend, I want to go but I have so much to do and finish here its not even funny, well not here where I am, you know what I mean.

Not in the greatest mood today, I mean the fatigue and other shit. I need to live in a cave.

Does any of it really matter, I mean really any of it, in the scheme of things no it doesn't.

I am a true sadists in every sense of the word, I enjoy pain be it mental, physical, whatever it is.

My buddy from Germany is coming for the Knot, its been confirmed, its only August.

I'm on the countdown motherfuckers, getting excited, Germany I think is coming for the knot.

I think the thing, oh wait, have I told you all recently how much of a asshole I am, ok the thing I think that amazes me about people is how they really think I'm a fucking idiot, just because I'm aloof and eccentric doesn't mean I don't know what your doing.

OK I got dragged, to the beach yesterday, well not dragged, I mean I don't like the beach to much, the sand, it really just comes down to the sand, anyway I went along, now I've always liked the water and I had heard the water was rough this weekend with the storms coming and stuff so I figured it was a good day to go. OK the water kicked my ass, hahahahahahaha, but I love it, I did get in trouble once with the life guard as the next thing I knew I was floating out to sea, hahahahahahahahaha, all is well, I'm sore like a motherfucker but that's cool, was going to bang out today but couldn't, got some shit I need to do here today.

OK motherfuckers here we go, are you fucking ready? The first 3 dates are set for me for the knot, these were the easy dates, October 30, 31 and November 1st, all in NYC. October 27 and 28th in Philly at the electric factory, so I will head down to my beloved Cherry Hill on the 26th, maybe stay until the 30th I don't know, see how it plays out. Looking at more and will let you know, this is it though, I mean this is it isn't it, there are going away for a while after this so we need to get all in we can

Here we go again motherfuckers, FUCK YEAH, FUCK YEAH, THE KNOT IS MAKING ONE FINAL PUSH ON WORLD DOMINATION, 2 FUCKING SHOWS IN THE ELECTRIC FACTORY IN PHILLY THEN 3 COUNT EM FUCKING 3 HERE IN NYC, THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING HUGE, JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER HERE COME THE DEMENTED 9 FROM DES MOINES TO KICK OUR FUCKING ASS ONCE AGAIN, HELL YEAH, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

What is this place? What is going in there? What can we be doing? hahahahahahaha

Now you all know I hate my job, I have to report this ok, now I'm a sys admin for those of you that don't know, but I am so much more than that, can I give you a little example of what happened here today and what I had to deal with.

There is a data entry person who has worked here more than 2 years that doesn't know how to enter data, hahahahahaha, ok sure she knows how to enter data but she doesn't know if she's looking at the same data, all right maybe she's not as dumb as I am making her, yes she fucking is who am I kidding.

Ok someone was working and didn't save there data, the computer turned off, I love this line, I walked away and came back and the computer was off, get my work back, hahahahahahahaha, I started looking around on the floor for it, idiot don't save no work.

Ok what about the salesman who has had a computer for 5 years and cant save a fucking file, no I'm serious he doesn't know how to do a save as, he can barely open or send email, what the fuck is he doing with a computer.

I am in one of my more foul moods this lovely morning. Why? Why do you ask? First off does there really need to be a fucking reason why? I mean I woke up yet again and isn't that fucking reason enough?

OK so here in my lovely city Monsignor Eugene Clark, who the fuck names there kid Eugene, how do you arrive at Eugene, anyway Monsignor Clark has resigned as he is involved in a sex scandal with a married fucking women, this hypocritical piece of shit. I'm looking for the quotes as I write this, Ill find them wait, in the meantime this motherfucker, yet another reason to give the catholic church a big suck my fucking dick, wait wait for those of you who forgot.

I cant find the fucking quotes, basically the cocksucker, well at least he's not a pedophile, I mean in that way I guess this is good news as he was getting some pussy and his cock sucked, do you think she was like praying to his cock while she was on her knees, or moaning shit like, oh monsignor your so big fuck me hard, hahahahahahahahaha.

This dude has said of course the usually catholic rhetoric about how homosexuals are a abomination, oh and get this, that Hollywood was destroying marriages, hahahahaha, you mean priests fucking married women doesn't ruin marriages? You got to love it.

So big fucking deal he resigned today, yesterday whatever, write letters people, fire em off to the vatican and that fuck down in St pats

So I was watching a Bill Mar stand up show last night, and then this morning Eddie Griffith was on Howard Stern, they both mentioned Amsterdam, where by the way is a steady 68, that's all I'm saying, anyway they were saying how there is where the freedom is, as they are talking I am longing for Amsterdam and the whores

Fuck, fuck fuck fucking you. I fucking hate so let me be, suck my fucking cock you senseless scum ridden waste of air, why, why, why, why do you like, why don't we slit all of your pretty little throats. As you rot our souls with your giggles and cheek kisses, never realizing monsters walk among you, why do you talk, why can you all just go live in plastic land somewhere in southern California.

Exhausted, can you say exhausted? My new business better pan out all the hours I'm putting in, IM in essence now working 2 jobs, this one and my new Endeavour, I am not ready to elaborate what it will be, suffice to say start up money is going quick, what can you do.

I didn't get back until 2:30 last night, had to make a run to P.A. stopped in Philly on the way back to get some cheese steaks and need to run around again tonight.

I was thinking today how we all become our parents, well some of you do anyway, the funny thing is how many of you hated them growing up, hated your life, the words, I didn't ask to be here were normal thoughts coming out of your lounge. So why would you become the thing you hate? Was there a brief moment in my life when I saw the similarities? Hell yeah and then I ran as far from it as I possibly could. Again why would I be the thing I hated?

I see them and there fucking issues, all the fucking issues, here's a fucking issue, my issue is your fucking issues, why dont they take the easy way out

Were you all paying attention? No you fucking weren't, why not, see that's what I'm really wondering why not.

Today was a good day for a Monday, the plan is starting to take shape, hopefully in a year I will be out of this 9-5 rut.

Now here in my great city that have started to inspect bags of passengers on mass transit. What's really bizarre is how everyone is ok with the more freedoms stripped of us, the NWO is real, the Matrix is real brothers and sisters, we have become simple feed for the machine.

Anyway, do you think these bombings in London were real or were they set up by us once again to strip more freedoms from us? And that we are ok with it, to hear people saying they welcome this is amazing, now really let me ask you something ok, lets be realistic here, lets say I'm a suicide bomber and I'm about to get searched, what am I going to do? Hmmm let me see, do I carry out my mission and blow it right there or do I let them get the bomb from me, lets see, blow the bomb and carry out my mission or get caught. IM GOING TO BLOW THE FUCKING BOMB IDIOT.

So tell me in what way does this new invasion of privacy really trying accomplish? Is it a smoke screen, are they looking for other contraband, guns, drugs, who knows what, what I know is that I am not ok with it. I need to move where the militia is.

I am so fucking burnt at times, there was something I wanted to say now I forgot.

OK my project has been on hold once again, this time it is my fault, I am launching something with another partner of mine and that has taken precedence over the free hobby of Looking For Kevin. More news when it happens.

So I was with a old friend last night, I mean old friend OK, grew up with him, haven't seen him in a number of years, so he takes me to this place him and his friends hang out at. It is filled with plastic people, now after a little while one such as myself starts to have a feeling easing up the spine, to many victims, the excitement starts to build in me as I think of the best ways to inflict such harm and torture. One day it will all change.

Oh yeah, I have so many Nigerian scam logs to post its not even funny, but here's a twist, I got a letter yesterday from Postal Inspectors about one of the scammers, I'm waiting for a call back to see what its all about, now I just want to say all the time I have wasted with them maybe it will do some good.

Ok the heat here in the North East has become unbearable, I want to do nothing at all

I really like my car, I made the right choice, I cant tell how much stress this has all caused me and to those around me.

Was talking with a old friend this morning, motherfucker called me at like 6 in the morning, luckily I was up since 530, I fell asleep about 1030 last night so I woke early, anyway he was reminding me of the crazy fucker I used to be.

I have my Cobalt, it took some doing, there was a problem late in the day yesterday and for a minute I thought I wasn't getting it but then everything worked out. I'm glad the stress is over now I can get busy with the things I need to be doing.

ok so the Cobalt is back in the running, I found affordable insurance, now I need to find the car.

So the House votes yesterday to extend the Patriot Act, when a couple of months ago there was all this talk about getting rid of it, the invasion of privacy thing, so of course yesterday when they are set to vote on it bombs go off in London, small bombs at that that don't really cause much damage except enough to strip more of our freedoms away.

OK why do I torture myself, I haven't given up on the car, another outlet for insurance is being investigated, I guess when I exhaust all avenues then I will stop.

Well the Cobalt is now out of the question, what I was hoping would come through for me didn't, back to the drawing board, what can you do.

The humidity here is unbelievable, the fucking weather has been so sticky its not even funny, I left the house for only a few minutes yesterday, its the artic in my house, I cant wait to see what the con ed is going to be, Ill be happy if its only $500.

I'm crazy, well we know I'm crazy, if something comes through for me today I'm getting the Cobalt, fuck how much the insurance is I don't fucking care.

OK it looks like I have to abandon the new car idea, the insurance is through the fucking roof. See this pisses me off, were busy off in the mountains hunting Bin dick Laden, while all he wants to do is fuck goats, and the real terrorists are going unpunished, the big company execs, the politicians, if we spent a half of a half of percent we are spending in Iraq the Govt could drive down the insurance costs, then more of us could buy new cars, that would mean more jobs, that would mean better economy. Terror and this whole war business is a smoke screen people, don't trust these motherfuckers for anything, the real criminals are right in front of us, we voted for them, we work for them as we plod off into the meat grinder of life and corporate bullshit. Anarchy motherfuckers Anarchy.

Its like there are days I wake up and I smell Amsterdam, this is one of those them.

OK I burnt the shit out of my arm 2 days ago on my oven, I have like 5 marks, I dropped something in it, reached in without removing the rack and hahahahahahahaha of course I got burnt the fuck up.

Its Monday, I woke up late, got here late and I don't give a good flying fuck. How do things spiral out of control.

Rain Rain, gotta love it, mornings like this remind me so much of Amsterdam and the calling I feel for there.

I may be the most misunderstood person you will ever meet, this is the source of my emptiness

It reflects my mood, it is very cool here this morning, if I can make it through this day with out putting a bullet in my head it will be amazing, today is the kind of day I like weather wise, I'm empty, not numb but empty, I would rather be numb than empty.

Here's 2 more for you

That's the mood I'm in, like a dead piece of carcass baking in the hot sun while maggots eat away enjoying my rotting flesh. hahahahahahahahaha

"Nothing would be what it is, Because everything would be what it isn't.
And contrary-wise-what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would.
You see?"

"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."

OK race fans, next week Ozz Fest in Boston, Aggressive Music Festival in Glen Falls, the Ozz Fest in Hartford.

I wonder at times what I am waiting for, will tomorrow be different, will it be so different from today that I can hold off ? I once made a pat with myself, it was some time ago, more than 13 years now, things weren't very good for me at that time, I would have been better off dead, anyway I made the pat that if in one year things weren't different I would end it, I just remembered that day was July 4th 1992, isn't that funny, anyway a year later things were different. I think I'm making the same pat with myself today, IM on the countdown.

I am on a 5 year plan for something else, with 4 to go and no or very little progress in that area.

OK since I have started considering to move, south Jersey or Stroudsburg PA I'm coming, I have had to get my license back, I was thoroughly shocked when the NYSDMV gave me my license.

The consensus with those that know me it doesn't matter what I get, I'm going to probably loose my licensee in about 6 months anyway, hahahahahahahahahahaha, or die in a high speed chase.

I'm thinking about 3 cars right now, I like the Eclipse, the Cavalier, and or a Golf.

Can I also just say that loosing my yahoo ID has really ticked me off, there was so many contacts I lost due to it, never to have them again, if you find your way here contact me.

It is in effect Monday for me today here at work, we all know how I hate Mondays, look lets face it , I hate every fucking day I need to get up and come to this shit hole.

Fireworks were pretty cool yesterday, I took some video, maybe I will put together a little clip and throw it up here.

Here's something I will never understand, I know my dark little kiddies do but the normal motherfuckers don't, like you never know who is standing next to, you just don't know what kind of psycho is lurking, what demented dark soul is there waiting, that will follow you back to your apartment and slit your fucking throat in the middle of the night.

Damn the music was pretty loud here for a minute, Killers are quiet, oh yeah that's right, come to be one of the songs I love waking up to

OK so the mood I am in is as usual quite vile, hahahahahahahahahahahaha, the trolling has begun.

Have you all read by now the confessions of the BTK killer? Now look I can understand that he committed some horacious acts, well maybe to you they were but to some of us they weren't, this fucking dudes calm demeanor, he's a classic that's all I'm saying.

I really am a step away from snapping myself and slitting the fucking throats of all the pretty little people, we need to start a revolution, live in the woods in PA, do fucking something.

What is A Psychopath?