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Introspect
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These words I do not dare speak,
therefore the only way for them to be known is with quills and papier.
Proof of my feelings for you, rests on these here pieces of paper.
The emptiness on them prompts me to tell them what I feel for thee.
I wish to fill every blank space on them so that you might realize
that someone already exists out there that
cares, that can relate, that understands and that wishes to be with you.
Reasons are non-existent for this is just this way because it is.
I know that our souls were made with each other in mind
in the far reaches of heaven, by a weary God.
You are the Lumiere at the end of this intricate labyrinth that has been my life.
I'm not all about pain and evil,
I too can love and appreciate the few things this life has offered,
even if it has quickly removed.
Impatiently looking for that equally
dark mind, soul, and heart that I know belongs with me;
you are the one my search led to
you are the one
you are
you...
Strange attractors you and I
A heady relationship is what ours shall be; I am willing to accept this intoxicating challenge, are you?
Moments of peaceful calm serenity with sudden rushes of impetuous impulsive acts;
raging behavior ceased by pleasurable moments;
release of mania transcending into wondrous bliss.
Imagine what delightful colloquies we shall share to arouse one another's mind...
You are quick to give up your pain
I'm willing to receive it with pleasure.
I will bear it for thee.
All my life I have avoided pain thinking it was the actual pain I was afraid of but I recently came to the realization that it was not the case.
I was scared of the emotions that awoke within me:
the heat rises in my mind, the blood that rushes thru my insides, in a frenzy.
The beads of feverish sweat, the heavy breathes,
the dry mouth, the tingles here and there...
The degree to which every one of us all suffers pain, differs to particular extents,
nonetheless I know about suffering.
I do not wish to minimize anything or disregard it,
but I for one, would not leave behind this coveted pain that I'm starting to love and
feel out of sync without,
that pain I've begun to thank.
Being conscious to all things that are hideous at a young age
prevented me from being astonishingly surprised.
Or else I would've been this happy idiot who went about this bleak world cheerfully oblivious to mankinds
atrocities, being naive is not bliss,
for it would've all come crashing in my face eventually.
You've no idea of what immense sacrifice I've made
to give up the possibility of eternal life knowing that in that future you would be absent,
I decided to look for you in this dying world.
If what you currently have fulfills you in every way then take these lines and feed your ego
(because that is what they are meant to do)
make yourself feel better.
...stop and take notice...
Even if you find out I am not the one you want,
do try to find her,
you deserve to be fulfilled in everyway.
I understand you dislike taking risks but I don't
every now and again.
I can say that diving into the unknown looking for love is pure adrenaline.
Even if afterwards I've emerged depleted,
for not having found my true soul mate.
Searching for my compliment in
soul, mind, goals, life, and love.
All of these only you fulfill
and that's why I know I've found my equal.
Fragments of these needs of mine,
I've found scattered in many different companions
but never all in a single one.
Now is the time for making decisions.
I have reached out my hand,
with my heart on it,
either receive it or don't it is that simple.
Know that someone out there in this cruel world does in fact desire you.
If I peak you interest pursue your instinct.
I've always known it would not be easy to find each other just that it would be worth it.
This world's time is running out and the choice is yours: will you let this opportunity go,
will you chase it and find out even if at first you might be apprehensive about giving it a try.
An unfair advantage that I have over you is that I know what you look like, unlike you,
you only know how I esteem thee.
These sentient thoughts you evoke within me
of mixed feelings perplex every cell in me.
Your eyes speak to me,
they tell me things that I want to know.
I can see in them that which you are looking for, even if what you speak may be different.
Your souls swarthy gift, that it endows, fascinates me.
...Has your heart ever stopped beating?
well you
are the reason for this ghastly limbic slumber I'm in.
I know it I,
that feeling of oppressed breathing,
lacking strength to ingest life giving putrid air.
My souls sense of longing for yours unease’s my heart day and night.
I wish to delve into your thoughts, extricate your mind's tangled visions,
consume your agonizing pasts' turmoil.
If I could heal that wound that shattered
your shadowed soul long ago, I would.
I would offer you a drink from the Lethe
and grant you olvido,
but it is impossible all I can do is ease the memories.
The crude truth is that the genie doesn't grant any wishes nor do the stars.
Offered in your name, this marked heart is unable to accept another’s suffocating embrace.
It has finally become dust,
it has been crushed so often that all that is left is just a delicate powder,
which the breeze of your rushing by,
blew away into the nothing.
Darkness overcame the solitary hallways of my mind
to obscure pleasant thoughts and hopes of you.
Vague dreamy delirium set in...
I'm asphyxiating rapidly and steadily every eon that passes by, with this cloth of uncertainty.
Acknowledge me!
#19
Introspect
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