Why does everyone think death is so fucked up, does anyone come back and say no, no wait a minute give me my money back this sucks or even better take those that have had a near death experience always say it was bliss, can you really say this life is so great, the body deteriorates, it breaks down, you whither away. Now if this is all there is then I want out now and I want it over.

This fucking life sucks, can they all be as happy as they make themselves to be, what do they do in private, who beats their kids, who rapes their wife's, who cheats on their husbands, who shop lifts at Path mark, doing a line of coke while inhaling JD, mentally torturing and holding someone in emotional captivity. The perfect stranger at work, smiles and kisses and bright good mornings, I see the pain of them trying to keep the facade, trying to hide the monster within, the misery of plodding through another day. And I'm the fucked up one because I do not hide what I am.

I am the sickest motherfucker I know, I try to escape in some pleasure of the flesh, you cant begin to imagine how deep the rabbit hole really goes. I'm just killing time to the end, maybe I'll take suicide, Cobain was right. And so fucking what if he checked out or all the others that have, people saying they are cowards and such, I heard a guy once say that if as a teenager you were already thinking of suicide and that continued into your adult life than what makes you think things will get any better. I mean I am not advocating you going out and checking out, don't forget Extreme's policy and disclaimer all I'm saying is that if your life sucks chances are its always going to suck and that is that.

More so on the subject, those that do not suffer emotional pain really have no idea how deep the pain goes, you can not begin to imagine the torment that lies within at times and sometimes the only thing that works is suicide, remember we are not advocating it it is just the simple truth. And further more if you don't suffer from emotional pain than shut your fucking mouth.

Who knows maybe the joke is on me and it will be worse in death and then there will be no way out or maybe we are already dead and for eternity we just plod through these kind of fucked up existences. Life after life and that's that. In any event death is coming, with each passing day he gets closer and closer, do you feel his breath on your neck, there is a knock at the door is it him?