Hey everyone, The Devil here again, I hope everyone is behaving and I hope you know what I mean by behaving, anyway just wanted to write a little more, you know when you look back you realize you left some shit out. And that fucking Dark had me on a deadline to finish the last stuff I wrote for you guys but far be it for me to complain I mean what good would it do anyway who is listening anyway.
You know the Devil gets lonely, I long for that special someone, to have a little rest and relaxation, my job is never ending, well until I undo creation that is but in the mean time it's fucking tiring, I mean don't get me wrong I love my job and wouldn't trade it for anything in the universe with all the fun I'm having, how many of can say that you would rather being nothing else but your job? Not fucking one of unless your a rock star, which by the way is the closest you will ever get to being the Devil in your life, now I don't mean musician no I mean bona fide rock star, the kind that is a God, if I wasn't the Devil I would be a rock star, but again I deviate from the path, I mean sure I would love that Dark Angel whom we could rule the universe together, I offered the job to that Jesus bitch once remember but the faggot turned me down, I think he might have been worried I would have dressed him up like my slut and bent him over nightly and I'm sure that's what God told him, I told you God is as deceiving as I am, shit he is more, I really don't do much deceiving I speak the truth but he's got you so convinced that I am the bad one, I do admire his work in this sense and while were on it I mean lets face it he does sunsets like no other and he's not so bad at the whole creation thing you know.
Now many of you may be under the impression that we don't talk and besides those first thousand years after I found he tricked me we stay in constant communication and I make no qualms about my plan, I just don't reveal the details and contrary to popular belief he can not read my mind. Anyway I was there through most of the significant events that have shaped people and time, Moses for instance, he wasn't such a bad guy and he also got duped but that's another story, God wanted to fuck with those Jews, I remember we were having a few drinks and of course the topic comes up as to what I am up to, in my typical fashion I said hey dude you first and he tells me he's thinking of fucking with the Jews. Of course I told him he shouldn't I mean I could never understand why he would fuck with his own followers that way he does, I never do that to my people and of course he says its the loyalty thing again, I swear he suffers from some serious low self esteem always needing to prove to himself that he is loved. It is pathetic.
Anyway he tells me the plan all the way through and from the start it's a set up, you know the story, that Moses delivers them from Egypt to leave them at the mountain and when he goes up the mountain the people he leaves behind and he gives one of then the idea to create a God and thus they failed god and he was able to punish them. His punishment, wandering for forty fucking years in the desert, he actually had them walking in circles but they never realized it. and what about Noah, again we were hanging out, here's another little secret he likes to come down here and watch the strippers, he wears a disguise and everything but I never blow his cover I kind of get amusement out of it, I have been up there also since my abolishment, just because I was thrown out doesn't mean I am not allowed up there. I like to go up there and make all the angels uncomfortable with my presence, it does freak them so and he gets a kick out of it also.
So here was Noah given this very difficult task to gather all living things and fucking God wiping out the earth, he was so tickled pink over the whole thing I mean he rolled on the floor for days behind that one, he thought for a minute he went overboard and panicked a little, again a design flaw and the sewers didn't work properly so he worked day and night to correct the problem and I got a kick out of that and then we laid down some ground rules cause in case you don't already know the Earth belongs to me and he was told no more unless we both agreed, I mean I'm always up for a little destruction and when the big guy gets going it really is a site. But there is a point to my madness and ramblings, see what I am trying to say and I think my mission from here until the end of creation is to get the message across how the big guy likes to fuck with his flock and that I always some how get blamed for his fucking mess and bullshit, he loves doing that always telling me "see that's why I'm God and your not" he is the real master of deception and I mean on and on we can look at examples on how he has tricked his just read his book and they never bitch they in fact thank you, me on the other hand every fucking day I have to deal with labor disputes, never let unions in you can never get rid of, paranoid servants, they always want to see the contract thinking there is some fine print they have overlooked and I am going to bring it on them, bitching and whining all the time, we need more virgins, we need more drugs, new strippers on and on. See God also sends angels down here to fuck with my people, like what he already does isn't enough he has to send trouble makers down here, the only good thing is when I catch them cause then they are fair game and the one thing I have over God is the whole torture thing, trust me you don't want me torturing you, I can do shit you never imagined possible and by the way no I had nothing to do with Jesus getting nailed to the cross that was all God again wanting to see what the kid was made of and I told the big guy that once again he was being fucked up I mean I offered the kid the world when he was in the desert and he turned me down but no God once again has to prove he is the supreme being and be all fucked about it. And Jesus wouldn't have had to prove himself the way he did for God, for me yes would have been good enough but he made his choice and his reward was getting nailed to the cross.
So yeah these Angels come down here and they try to infiltrate and talk some of my people into going up there which is a loosing battle I mean once you've been here you don't want to go anywhere else, but I do like that he sends them down here and it is in a sense a sacrifice because once again he knows I will find them and what I will do with them when I do is unspeakable, don't forget what I did to Job, now that was another fucked up thing on Gods part. That night I was the one that was a little blasted, well to be honest I was on a long binge, feeling sorry for myself and I didn't see God in some time that's why if you remember he asked me where I have been, well anyway there I was drunk like a motherfucker and I challenged him and he threw Job my way, now he knew what I was going to do him but he let me have him anyway and he put the stipulation that I don't kill him, well to me this is a great one because I enjoy to make you suffer when I want to fuck with you and I only fuck with you when you have fucked with me, could never understand why some people insist on pissing the Devil off and more importantly why they think they can lie to me but that is another story. So here was poor Job the sacrificial lamb that God served to me on a platter, now I must admit that Job had great restraint and I respect him for it and I respect that he was able to withstand me and stay loyal to God, I admire loyalty but what I feel bad for is that I get the bad knock, I mean yeah sure in his case I did fuck with him but God allowed it and in a way encourages me to tempt his people but what can you do.
So what is the point to this whole thing you maybe be asking, well the point is that God is the biggest deceiver in the universe and yeah it pisses me off that I get the blame for it, I mean that has been my biggest gripe with him since the beginning of time so don't believe everything you read or hear or maybe you should believe it but see it for what it's worth instead of taking some preacher or priest's word for it, by the way doesn't like men of the cloth no matter what religion it is and he clearly states that in his book but do they listen no and don't worry God sends me all the child molesters cause he knows I like to have fun with them, they disgust me also and I have a special room for them here, it is my private torture room, I first like to dress them up you know and make them look real cute and then when they think that all that will happen is that they will get fucked they breath a sigh of relief, then I let the horns show, yes I have horns but its more like a magic trick and it hurts like a motherfucker to pop em out because its really not natural but it has a great effect on a person, see you really can't die when you get here or there for that matter so I can rip you from limb to limb and put you back together and do it over again and trust me I have nothing but time.
Well its been real and until the next time this is the Devil talking to you reminding you that I'm watching so make me proud.
Devil